Lost my husband

I wear my beautiful Valen’s t.shirts in bed. 
I wear his far to big for me slippers. 
I wear his jackets and use his backpack.

I was able to empty his pants and socks drawer. 
Clear all but 1 pair of shoes. 
Over half his tops, trousers, shorts, caps etc.

But half I look at to clear but my breath catches and I have to shut that drawer or close the wardrobe. 
His toothbrush, special toothpaste, electric razor are all in their place in the bathroom. I just can’t clear them. 
His scalp cream, lip balm, CBD massage oil and lavender oil are still on his bedside cabinet.

I know my sister and a friend think this odd, don’t understand why some things I have cleared and others I can’t. 
Truth is, I don’t understand it myself. 

Thanks Mrs VT.

Think you put into words what everything is thinking. It was as if I wrote that myself. Bless you!  x

We all cope differently don’t we. My daughter in law made the decision to ‘help’ by clearing all my husband’s clothes, suits, shoes etc and I honestly didn’t mind. I’ve kept his wallet, wedding ring, cuff links and the one jumper which’s still where he put it.

Me too PB I just wonder some days why I get out bed. What exactly is the point?? One reason is I have my little Border Terrier (he was Jay's dog) so he needs to be walked and fed so if I didn't have him don't think I would go out at all. He's my `wee pal` and all I really have left of Jay that and his car which I am doing the best to take care of  as it was his pride and joy. We bought that only months before his cancer really took hold after having it on PCP contract for 4 years. We loved it and just wanted to keep it so bought it but in the end he never even got the use of that so I drive it now for us both. Yes cancer is an absolute b***d of a disease and just robs you of everything. My best wishes to all of you moving forward. Take Care. 

Vicky x

Mrs VT I still have a couple of Jay's jackets and my son doesn't understand why I don't get rid of them. He had a lovely casual dress jacket which still hangs in the wardrobe and a suit still in it's cover that was the `all occasions suit` as he called it weddings. funerals etc. I still have a bodywarmer (gilet) in the wardrobe he wore and a fur lined fleece zipper jacket he wore too. I have seen him in all of these so I think they are that little bit harder to part with. He had loads of stuff still in bags brand new with labels that I did get rid of though put them on selling sites they were easy to get rid of because he never wore them- was never very fashion conscious- so there was no sentiment attached to those. Like you I have recycled some of his T shirts into night shirts for myself. He was a big lad so they are nice and long. I still have a lot of his junk in drawers though I somehow never get round to clearing `man drawers` as they're called filled with things he thought were a good idea at the time and just left there. I may get rid of them one day. The things grief makes us do. 

Vicky x

Valen had his wedding ring resized to fit me 2 weeks before he went. 
So I wear both his and mine. 
And I also have, and use, his wallet

Valen had a cupboard for all his tech gear. 
I never knew what was in it as every time he opened it to get anything, wires and cables spilled out and I’d just laugh. 
A friend came round to help me go through them all. Well, he went though them while his wife and I drank wine. 
So my beautiful Valen and approximately 30 chargers.15 for phones and iPods we haven’t had for several years. 
There were 5 Nationwide card readers. 
8 sets of miniature screwdrivers - the kind you get in Christmas crackers. 
And some cables even my tech savvy friend had no idea what they were for!

At least it gave me a genuine laugh.

Isn't it!

You keep getting up for your dog, son and granddaughter, you're doing the best you can, like the rest of us.

Take care x

Oh MrsVT!! 

The eating thing I can resonate so well with. Jay loved to cook like your `Valen` and would cook for an army even though it was only the two of us when our son moved out.  Sometimes he would really go overboard and make just too much and would sometimes get offended if you didn't eat it all thinking you didn't like it or there was something wrong with it although it was delicious but just too much. He loved experimenting in the kitchen and it wasn't just a case of just throwing something in a pot or shoving it under the grill or in the oven everything had to be prepped and this sauce and that seasoning added. His speciality was Christmas dinner when he would just go all out on that. Now for me it's ready meals or something quick that I can just throw in the oven or the air fryer or microwave and yes on the odd occasion just a bowl of soup. There's no set breakfast, lunch or dinner time either and I just eat when I feel like it. The only good thing I think is my waistline has felt the benefit because his dishes were just too delicious. Take Care. 

Vicky x

Having the wedding ring resized is a great idea, I might do that