Lost my husband

Hello Smosie 

My name is Steph and I’m part of the Community team here at Macmillan. May I wish you another warm welcome to the Community, I hope you will find it to be a safe place of comfort and support.

I was so sorry to read about the sudden loss of your husband. It sounds like a truly traumatic time and it’s positive that you are reaching out for support.

I am just letting you know that I have moved your post here into the bereaved spouses and partners forum so you can connect with more people in similar circumstances.

We have some written information here around coping with bereavement, in case you find it helpful. I would highlight this part about things that may help when you are grieving. 

We would also encourage you to contact your GP to talk about how you're feeling. Your GP can also help you to access the right support.  If you feel you may need more immediate help, you can contact the following services at any time to make an emergency appointment and get advice:

• NHS 111 on 111 for England and Scotland
• NHS Direct Wales on 0845 46 47 for Wales
• NI direct – find an out of hours service

If you’d like to talk anything through with an expert at Macmillan, I’d encourage you to contact the Support Line.  Our Support Line teams are available 7 days a week, 8am-8pm on freephone 0808 808 00 00, email or live webchat. 

In addition to offering a listening ear, we may refer you to other bereavement services, such as Cruse Bereavement Support,  a charity dedicated to helping help people through one of the most painful times in life. You can contact Cruse directly on 0808 808 1677. 

I’d also recommend you take a look at the website Ataloss.org. They can help you find the right bereavement support for you, from national organisation helplines to small local groups who might meet face to face. 

Please do let us know if you have any questions, if you’d like some help using the Community or further support with anything at all. I hope that the Community helps you feel less alone and shows you that there’s a lot of support available for you. 

Kindest Regards,

Steph - Online Community Officer

Hi Smosie

Like yourself I lost my dear husband, the love of my life for 42 years on the 8th of this month. He had a three year battle with colon cancer with liver mets. His health deteriorated very quickly over the last two weeks and I am totally at a loss and don't know how I will get on without him by my side The first few days I had such physical pain, that I thought I was having a heart attack, I didn't realise grief could be physical.

I have our son with me now but he has to go back to his own home tomorrow and I am dreading the weekend alone. He is a godsend to me.

I send you my love and understanding of how you are feeling.

Hi Mya,

Thank you for you message, I am the same, I cannot imagine how I can live my life without him, I have 4 amazing daughters and they are a great support but that still doesn't give me their dad to cuddle in with at night, the nights are the hardest, I find myself just talking to him into the night, I miss him so much and the pain is undescribable, talking to someone who knows exactly how this feels does help a little bit.

Sending you my love and hope we find the strength to get through each day.

Hi,

I lost my wife of 38 years just over seventeen months ago - so I think I can guess how you're feeling. I miss my wife every second of every day, and I am struggling to carry on. But I know that I have a responsibility to do so, in memory of my dear wife - so I will do my best. And I wish you all the resilience that you can muster in order to do the same.

You mention the speed of the deterioration at the end. The illness and subsequent death of my wife, was my first - and only - personal experience of cancer. But the rapidity of the disease in the later stages shocked me, and continues to shock me now. Unfortunately however, from what I now know, that seems to be a very common experience: cancer is a horrible and cruel disease.

I can't write anything here which will 'fix' anything. But please know that you are not alone, and that others are thinking of you.

I send you love, and best wishes.