Just having a moment

No Christmas decorations or such like here either, but going to my (our) daughters so I don't spend it alone. And my grandson invited me, so I couldn't say no.

Not going to make it any easier though

Hugs to all that need them

Hey Bella,

I'm OK is overused by me, but those who know me, know that it's a signal to leave me alone because I really am not, and I don't want to talk about it.

For everyone else, it's normally taken at face value and they leave me alone.

There are a lot of tunes which I associate with my time with Jan, every one of them sets me off, even the Archers theme and sailing by, played just before the shipping forecast. That was our cuddle up in bed and back tickles tune.

Sorry if my spelling is bad, I have just teared ip thinking about them

And It's those moments I miss most. A cold side to the bed where she should be, no one to hold, tickle, cuddle, share each others day with, no one to tell them I love them.

Sorry, my heart is broken

Christmas was Tony's thing as well, he loved to decorate the whole house, we've have decorations that are over 30 years old, never threw any out, just kept adding.

The house looked like Santa's grotto

He use to start in November picking up bits and pieces, like Christmas pudding, brandy sauce, mince pies, tins of chocolates etc, as part of the weekly shop.

I'm not decorating this year nor will I have a tree, my daughter has inherited her fathers love of Christmas so I'm going to her for a few days in December, to make new memories she said, although I'm not sure about that!

I'll actually be spending Christmas with family in Ireland, as far away as I can be.

Sending the biggest hugs to everyone 

I am also going to my daughters because my grandson made me go. He loved his grandpa so much. It’s going to be so hard for all of us. Music makes me tear up so much. I was on a bus today and For some reason the driver had music on, it was Bridge over troubled water which was a fav of my lovely hubbys and we played it at his celebration of life ceremony. I actually thought I was hearing things as they never play music on the bus. Life is so hard just now. I’ve had such a hard few days. Sending hugs xx

It was me who loved Christmas but my hubby bought the tackiest flashing star for the tree last year which he laughed and loved it. I feel I have to put that tree up and maybe I will smile at the star. Like you we have to make new memories even if we don’t feel like it this year. Sending hugs xx

When we got my beautiful Valen’s 3 to 6 month news one of the things we did was to give to charity our 6 foot tree and its decorations. 
We have another smaller pretty tree we kept, but no way would I mange putting the big tree together and we knew he wouldn’t be able to help.

Yesterday I went past that shop and our tree and decorations are in the window. 
That was really hard.

He went on the 26th. So it will be 3 months on Boxing Day. 
Oh my darling love, I’m so so very sorry you will miss Christmas. 
I know you really wanted to make it. xx

I am going with our daughter and son. Our border collie Jack is going into kennels. We are doing an all inclusive. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to be in that environment at home. I would have gone on my own if necessary. The Christmas Dinner preparation was always Paul’s domain, and his way of showing his love for the family. 

It’s so hard isn’t it, I’m dreading it but my daughter and grandson going to come over to put my tree up and decorate it for me. All these adverts on tv have me crying, the thought of waking up on Christmas morning without him, it’s hurting me so bad. I’m staying at my daughters tonight, can’t sleep, I had a horrible dream about dead bodies. I’m worrying about everything just now. Saw my solicitor yesterday and she took some of my worries off me a tiny bit, my constant headache is back and no sleep isn’t helping. I just can’t see an end to this at the moment. I’m surely due a good day, I need to lie in bed a few more hours as I can’t get up and wake everyone, the dog might bark. One bit of good new is they have asked me to watch the dog for three days because they want to decorate without her getting in the way. She is such a needy dog, wants to snuggle in, think I can do that in abundance. Take care xx

That’s such a good idea, making a new memory. You have to do what’s right for you. We always went to a lot of Christmas dances, went to Christmas markets etc, I won’t be doing any of those things. My daughter organising going to a panto, going for dinner, just doing something different as she knows I love Christmas. We have to make changes to get through this time of year. Best wishes xx