Just having a moment

Here’s an extra big hug ️

Please do, I might even have two tonight xxx

Aww Thank you MrsVT! appreciate that!  I am in just now what I call my `stuck` or to put it another way my `F it` phase where I just feel sorry for myself and not want to do anything or see anyone etc you just go through the motions of the day on autopilot. This will pass though in a day or two just need to take some of my own advice I try to give to others here. 

Vicky x

Can I join in too?

I have been struggling the last few days. It all started on Monday night when I sat in front of the TV and the Christmas adverts came on. I think it was the Morrisons one.

It had me in tears, as Jan's favourite time of year was Christmas. She hated the snow (bad luck in Scotland eh?) but loved all of the tinsel and sparkles etc. That, and the final of Strictly, which I am still watching as it reminds me of her.

I have hated Christmas for over 35 years, as it always reminds me of my grandparents who raised me while my mum was working. My Da (Grandad) died in 1988, my Mam (granny) in 2006. I miss them both so much, and as the time upsets me, I try my hardest t both get involved for Jan, but hide from it for me.

This year, it will be 3 months and 19 days since she died,  I am going to my daughters for a meal, but its going to be shit and I am really not looking forward to it.

She would wake me up between 05:00 and 05:30 on Christmas day, shouting that Santa has bee,  like a four year old.  I used to love seeing her face as she opened the gifts I had bought for her.Her smile and joy was infectious.

I miss her so much, and there is nothing I can do to make me happy.

I saw a post on FB on Monday night, it said "All I want is what I had", and I cannot agree more. That said, I have been crying almost solidly since seeing it as thats all I can think of.

So if there is a spare hug or two going, I could use one

Gordie

I’ll send you a hug !! I loved reading about wife’s Xmas morning elation ; it’s great she kept that childhood Xmas feeling!! 
I’m not sure how Xmas will go for me this year; I haven’t made any plans yet but we also used to celebrate new years together more than the Xmas day itself. Although T loved a roast! He was fantastiat doing the Xmas lunch with multicoloured carrots and chestnuts . 
i went to see a jazz band last night and the last song was so beautiful, the tears started flowing and it was all I could do to wipe them up before anyone could see. It was just a violinist and a guitarist and very evocative and moving. People keep messaging kindly asking how I’m doing but I never know how to answer; it’s such a wiggly, all encompassing, grief-y line to travel. I can’t say I’m doing ok as a) that’s not true, and b) it doesn’t seem right for life to be the kind of ok it was when T isn’t here to live it. 
anyways, a ramble there…

My husband passed on the 4th August. I am buggering off to Lanzarote on the 21st December for five nights. I cannot bare the thought of Christmas at home this year. It would finish me off. Sending hugs to all. Xxx

Oh irq,

your wife sounds like me! 
I used to start asking Alexa from 1st November for Santa jokes. 
I used to make Christmas crackers for whoever we would be with. Complete with home made hats! 
Not sure if I’ll even bother with our little tree this year.
This year I’m spending it with mum on the day and peeling carrots and spuds for our fav cafe who opens Christmas Day for those on their own.
I had a meltdown unpacking the boxes sent by his workplace when I found his secret Santa mug.

There is a John Lewis inspired advert by Sam Clegg called “send me a sign”. 
If you catch it have a shed load of tissues handy!

Big hug xx

 Bella it is so hard answering texts asking how we are isn’t it!

I reply the same every time - “Bad hours, good hours. Bad days, good days. Thanks for asking”. 
When really I want to reply “how the hell do you think I’m doing? I’m curled up in a ball crying my bloody eyes out all day.”

But at least they are asking.

Sending you a hug as well xx

You do right going away, are you going with. Friend ? I’m not having Xmas at our home this year, we usually do but I can’t this year it would be too upsetting.