I’m heartbroken

Thank you, I’m also thinking of you x

Hi there, I am so sorry you are going through this living hell. Sending you strength and hugs. Xxx

Hi, it really is a living hell. Saturday night and I’m sitting with a brandy and crying my eyes out, I watched my daughters wee dog while she was on holiday and every time she saw me getting upset, she rushed up to me licking my face and actually cuddling me, I can’t tell you how good that felt. She went home tonight and I’m missing her so much. My daughter brought in a Chinese meal because she is worried I’m not eating. Who does going through this hell, but I really must pull my self together, my hubby would hate what I’m doing, I broke the glass on his fire last night, luckily he had a spare, but I couldn’t even find a ratchet to take it off, my son in law brought something over to sort it. I’m scared to go near it now in case anyth8ng else goes wrong with it. Sorry I’m just having an extra bad night. Can’t cope going to bed as I’ve been sleeping on couch with the dog at my feet keeping me warm, when does this feeling stop?  I don’t want to go to the doctor for pills, maybe I will feel better once the funeral is over, still another 11 days to go. 

Dear Charlie, sending loving thoughts. You ask when this feeling stops. Now you are in deep shock - something earth shattering for you and your life happened, in an instant, so that feeling of shock will eventually stop for you thankfully. Other feelings of pain and loss will go on.

Try not to worry too much about taking on too many practical things in the house that are new to you - now these will all seem overwhelming. In time (it might even take a year or so) you will find solutions to suit you.
So many things I couldn’t do after my husband passed (even just things that were part of my personality and I had done happily all my life etc) but this is natural as we are going through this deep change in our personality too as we learn to cope with this loss and our grief. Our bodies conserve energy too to help us heal.

Do look after your self Charlie regard eating nutritiously and drinking lots of water. I discovered I had a serious Vitamin D deficiency about a month after my husband’s funeral - (I was in bed for a month) so it might be worth getting a general health check with your GP to check you are not deficient in anything. 

For me personally I didn’t take depression tablets as I wanted and still want to feel everything I was feeling for my beautiful husband however painful it was.However we are all in different situations. Your husband is still around in essence in everything and still so influential.

I have had my son’s little spaniel staying with me a lot too - such an incredible comfort. 

Take care

Florence xx

Thank you Florence, that was a comfort reading your reply. I’m also taking vitamin d tablets, my haematologist noticed this a few months ago, I have a blood cancer which I’ve been treated for but it came back and just on watch and wait now and I have Lupus. I know I should eat properly, my daughter brought food into me last night and left some, can’t face shopping just now. I’m surprised my lupus hasn’t flared up. I’m back to waking up every two hours again, I slept great with the dog being here. I might force myself to go to the supermarket today, that’s my goal for today. Shopping for one will be a challenge. I used to batch cook and freeze dinners for us, I guess I cud make them easily for one, just need to get my head in the right place first. Xx

As I lie on my couch feeling so so sad, I opened my emails this morning. The celebrant sent me a draft copy of the funeral service, I bawled my eyes out but continued to read through misty eyes. Suddenly the tears stopped, she has captured my husbands life to a “T” it was so beautiful, I actually smiled throughout it. I just hope when I hear her read it again at the funeral it will give me strength to carry on. X

Hi there, my husband’s funeral was on the 16th of August. At the time, I didn’t know how I was going to get through it. I took a lot of comfort from the fact that we had discussed Paul’s wishes, and the celebrant worked closely with us to achieve this. I cut eighty red, cream and pink roses on the morning of the funeral. These were for friend’s and family to have an opportunity to say goodbye at the graveside. I put them in a heart shaped wicker basket, and they looked so beautiful. I also took our adult children to the church before, and went through the whole service with them. We held hands throughout the service, and I am so proud of them. It will be a difficult day for you, but beautiful too. Take care, Kate.xxx

Charlie, I am so pleased that your celebrant has captured your husband.

I mentioned before that my beautiful man planned his whole funeral. 
So brave of him to do that. 
And his usual thoughtfulness to save me the pain.

We had a wonderful Father from the Catholic Church. 
Im not of the faith but husbands family are quite devout and he had taken comfort in his last few weeks by going to mass.
The Father spent well over an hour with me just letting me talk about Valen (there, I said his name for the first time on here) in his homily he also captured him to a T.

I wrote my own eulogy that an incredibly good friend helped me to read on the day.
She also read the poem he himself asked to be the last thing read by David Harkins called He / She is not gone.  
I keep referring myself back to this poem, whilst holding onto the necklace that contains some of his ashes.

In the order of services we had a packet of forget-me-not seeds for everyone to sow.

I wept so hard when his coffin came into the church. 
So bloody real. 
Then again when I came into the crematorium and his coffin was already there with a picture of my beautiful, ever smiling soulmate.

With the help of our families and friends I got through the day. 
At his celebration after there were lots of good tears and laughter. 
So I ended the day with the best memories.

No beating around the bush. 
It will be a hard day.
As every day is hard.

Long post, sorry ️

That is so beautiful what you did on the day, I just hope I can get through it but hopefully knowing what is being said will give me courage to cope. Xx

SHE IS GONE (HE IS GONE)

You can shed tears that she is gone
Or you can smile because she has lived

You can close your eyes and pray that she will come back
Or you can open your eyes and see all that she has left

Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her
Or you can be full of the love that you shared

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday

You can remember her and only that she is gone
Or you can cherish her memory and let it live on

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
Or you can do what she would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

David Harkins