I’m heartbroken

Oh Charlie, I feel so sad for you. This IS an awful time.

Questions are always going to pop into your head. I know they do mine. I lost my husband 10 weeks ago. 

It's ok to keep crying, it's very normal. I think of my tears, as tears of love, pouring out of my eyes.

Do pop to the doctors if you need help sleeping, coz sleep is very important, to help you try and function.

We are all here for you, when you want to...... scream, shout, cry, moan or just rant.

Sending you big hugs xx

Thank you for replying, I’m sorry for your loss as well,  this is the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced. When I think about all the surgery, chemoradiotherapy that almost killed him, sepsis and he survived and then this sudden death. I just can’t believe it. Xx

It's because you weren't expecting it and even if you are, its still awful.

My husband was told he had a few weeks to live...... but passed away 2 days later.

It's a horrible shock and a horrible thing suddenly not having them around. 

You and your husband sound very brave, with everything you have been through together. 

Reach out for chats. I'm normally online in the evenings..... nothing else to do.

Take care of yourself xx

Charlie

i can’t answer the question of how do you cope with the loss.
Or why. 
I am asking myself the same questions.

My darling gentle husband was torn from me 15 days ago. 
We were told that with chemo we could get an extra 3 to 6 months but delays meant he went the morning he was due to start. 
We got 4 weeks. Of watching this vibrant funny man getting weaker.

That morning he said he couldn’t breathe. Due to massive neck swelling he had been struggling to breath well the last week. 
I did my usual neck massage which didn’t work. Then his inhaler which didn’t work.  
We were in a hotel overnight for the chemo. I called the reception for help . My darlings last word were “ambulance”. 
I turned to dial 999, and out of the corner of my eye saw him suddenly stiffen. 
I knew immediately he had gone.

 Before reading your post I have stood in our lounge screaming “BUBA. BUBA. BUBA. NO. NO. NO”

Its not fair. 
Its not right.

Im not coping but I am functioning. 
Hour by hour, day by day.

I have found that writing on here, my honest thoughts, has helped. 
For example, I now feel calmer than I did 5 minutes ago.

We “listen” to you. 
We understand you, how you feel. 
Talk, rant, vent with us.

I am so very sorry for loss, my hubby was making the breakfast, I went thru to tell him to make me some and wasn’t in the kitchen, I went into bathroom as he must have went to clear his throat, he was on the floor, I’m sure he was gone but on calling 999 they told me to do CPR. His neck stoma had closed which meant he was starved of oxygen, I had three ambulance crews working on him but it was too late. I then had two police cars outside as well asking me loads of questions. I just couldnt take it in as he was so well in morning. Today I’m going to the funeral parlour, I’m not looking forward to that. I’ve been in the house all week myself, it’s getting me down. It’s all been too much, I hope I have a better day today, you think you are doing well then out the blue you cry again, when will it stop? I’m going to start getting out the house, I want to just sell the house as it’s making me so depressed. Last night I decided I want to go back home where my family and friends are. I loved my wee house before this but now I hate it. 

I hope the visit to see your husband in the funeral parlour, went as well as you wanted.

It's hard seeing them again.

My husband went to Ireland for his church mass and then crematorium.

I then flew home with half of him, the other half was buried in his mum's grave.

An Irish tradition is to have the family member at home over night and friends and family can visit and pay their respects. I got used to seeing him and thankfully he looked peaceful and sleeping.

I hope your experience was a good one. 

Xx

Hi, it was a very stressful day, I got through it, picking his coffin etc. so much still to do. Funeral not till 30 th October, still along way to go. My friend took me out for lunch as I’m not eating, I just can’t face it. I did eat a small bit of it. I had to throw out so much food when I looked in fridge, I’ve not made a meal for a week. Can’t believe it’s been a week today when it happened. It’s a strange world, it takes ages to finally get your pension but they stop it instantly, the banks closed all his accounts. I don’t know how I will manage this month with bills etc. another worry now. Even trying to change the names of energy company etc over to my name is challenging. Had to send them death certificate etc. now I will have the worry that standing orders have all been stopped. More grief. 

Charlie. 
I am in the “envious” position of my darling being a very practical person. 
When we were told he had max of 6 months he stared sorting things out. 

We went to the funeral place together and he planned everything. Coffin, flowers, order of service, what he wanted people to wear. 
He got all the utilities and Sky etc to joint names and my email. 
We joined our bank accounts. 
There is still stuff I need to sort myself.

Practically for you right now;

Use the Tell Me Once service and they tell Local Council (council tax, electoral register), HMRC, DVLA, passport, DWP.

Request the Bereavement Support you may be entitled to a lump sum of £2,500.

I’m so sorry for your loss, I don’t think I will get any help financially unfortunately. It’s going to be hard till I get everything sorted out.i feel like I’m living in limbo at the moment. When I went to get the death certificate at the registrar, she cancelled all his pension, even his bus pass etc. we should have put everything into joint names, that was definitely a good idea, wish we had done this. It would have saved all the grieve I have to deal with now. We took an interest free loan for solar panels last year, it was in his name, when I tried to get them to change the account into my name, it’s a no go. They have stopped any standing orders from his account and they await the full amount from me when the estate is dealt with. If we had the money we wouldn’t have taken a loan. Another worry for me. It’s just never ending, I feel like I’m in a nightmare and can’t wake up. I hope you are coping ok, it is so hard losing a very loved husband. Take care xx

So much to deal with. 

If the loan was in your husbands name, you might find your not liable for his debt and it could be written off. 

I'm still waiting for my husbands life insurance to pay out...... 10 weeks later. 

It's not fair, all this paperwork and swapping utilities in to our name. When all we want to do is grieve our loved ones.

We didn't have enough time to sort things, once my husband was told his cancer had spread and then 2 weeks later he was told he had 2-3 left to live and he passed 2 days later.

Love and hugs to you all xx