I’m heartbroken

Thank you for your support, it is very much appreciated. Xx

I’ve just had a letter from the Bereavement Support Payment people saying my claim will take longer as we got married abroad.  
A magical time in Thailand! Such wonderful memories.

In the same post a letter from the council saying as now single occupancy my council tax has been reduced.

And an email invoice from Apple for the phone I cant access.

I had been having an okayish day. Only cried once. 
Then this.  
It’s bloody rubbish.
All this paperwork.

Though I did have to have words with him. 
Going through a cupboard looking for an old iPod charger I found another 9 chargers and 6 earbuds!

Hi, I agree, the paperwork is horrible and too much to take in, I forgot about dealing with his phone contract. Things keep popping up all the time. Staying with my daughter tonight, the house is soad, I’m not coping well, then when I am away, I want to go back. Always 3am I wake up, won’t get back to sleep now and I don’t want to go downstairs in case the dog barks and I wake everyone up. I d’t think I qualify for bereavement support, did you fill a form online, did it tell you right away if you qualify? Today my wee Grandaughter getting christened and it will be first time seeing a lotf people, I hope I can cope and not spoil the day. That’s a week since his passing and it’s still as bad as the first day. My tv started freezing and just wouldn’t do anything yesterday, strangely eugh it was at the time he passed, is my hubby playing tricks? I switched it off and tried it a few hours later and it was ok. I hope we both have a better day today, take care  xx

Apply on Gov.UK 

Thats where you’ll find the Tell me Once and bereavement payment forms.

The Tell me Once was very quick. The payment, they were pretty quick after I submitted the paperwork to tell me delay as married abroad.

Oh, and HMRC were damn quick to get their paperwork out to me for his tax self assessment!
But at least I have till January to do that. I am going to do it next week though as I will forget.

Ive started a folder to file everything I’ve done. Cancelled subscriptions, who I’ve informed, what’s been moved to my name etc. as I can’t keep a clear head and get so muddled. 
He would be pleased as he is so organised.

The mobile is another issue. I can’t get in to it but keep it fully charged in case someone can help. But things keep pinging up like Facebook and X messages and emails. It’s horrid but at the same time I’m not shutting it down.

Managed 4 hours sleep. And when I woke, for a few split seconds, I forgot. Then reality crashes back in.

Sending love to everyone out there struggling.  Lost my beloved husband Saturday night in our local Hospice to a brain tumour.  He fought bravely on since being diagnosed last Christmas Eve and got through brain surgery, radiotherapy and chemotherapy but the cancer was just too strong.  The Hospice staff were so wonderful and I stayed with him in there for most of the final two weeks.  But now i'm home alone in an empty quiet house and, as most of you have said, a ton of sadmin to get through.  I can't even get my head round all of this happening to us.  Can't sleep properly or concentrate on anything really.  Can't face talking to many people.  Need to get the hospital equipment collected from the house as i want to try to get rid of the reminders of his illness in the house and try to get to seeing our happy home again.  Keep thinking of all the practical things in the house I just never learnt how to do as he used to do so much so every time one comes up I just feel so lost without him.  i realise this is a slow process and i shouldn't expect to feel better this quickly but i just can't see any end to this misery.  why do such good people suffer so much and be taken from us.  He was only 58 he had so much still to live for and experience.  It just all seems so unfair and unbearable.

I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine what you went through especially being asked to perform CPR until ambulance crew arrived. I can imagine you have so many questions and no answers at this time, hopefully you do get answers you need. Thank goodness for this community because I think we all get some solace from it even if we don’t realise at the time. Just know that there are people who you can share your emotional roller coaster with as you need to.  Sending hugs and strength to you xx

So very sorry for your sudden loss Charlie but incredible the two of you got to have a month’s holiday together and your beautiful husband’s last moments were in your home together with you in dignity.

a quick practical note that MacMillan are also very helpful with any advice questions on finances etc. You can call specifically for advice on Bereavement Fund etc…

X Florence

Dear Kaf, so truly sorry for your loss.

As I feel your sense of being overwhelmed with all that has to be done I thought it might be helpful if I shared some words of my husband - a beautiful dancer aged 53) - to me shortly before he passed in February.
He told that when he died I should take a day for myself and not even to call our beloved children or tell anyone else he had died. While I did not act on his words - he died in hospital etc and there were people I had to call - these words really kept me calm as I kept thinking I only had to do the barest minimum. Above all his words made me realise this life event was about me - above all else … not customs or religion or a busyness that stops us thinking etc. 

Still sleeping in my husband’s funny t - shirt with it’s cigarette holes and all so this is a long journey in contemplating life, death,grief, yearning and romantic love. 

Love Florence

I can feel your raw pain, it’s the worst experience of my entire life. The first thing I did, was put all my husbands medication in a bag to take to a pharmacy, I put all his medical equipment out osight and got rid of all his stoma stuff in the bin, I wanted to remember him before his illness. The next day a delivery came with more Atos stuff, I asked the delivery driver if he could return itut he said no. So it’s still in the box. I can’t sleep or if I do it’s an hour and I waken up an hour later, night time is the worst. I miss him so much, he lit our fire every day, today is the firsday I’ve managed to light it as I’ve been sitting in the dark and the house has been freezing. I don’t even know to split sticks, he did it in a machine in his garage, I may have to just buy them. Tre is so many things he did on a daily basis, I’m worried about finances, winter, driving and going into his favourite garage, it’s such a mess and I just wouldn’t know where to start. I honestly wi it was me that went first. I had planned going to tell some of my neighbours today but I chickened out of it. They must have seen all the ambulances and police at my door so do I have to tell them.he only person that’s been in my house has been my daughter, lots of cards have been pouring in the door which I can’t even read. I don’t want flowers either.  The celebrant is coming tomorrow, I’veeen writing some notes in between my tears and picking music which I cried my eyes out, he loved Scottish bagpipe music but the minute it starts I’m a wreck, how will I cope at the funeral which isn till 30 th October. I should have gone out a walk today, every time I stay in all day I’m worst. Can’t talk on phone to anyone so I text most of the day, I don’t stay close to any of my friends, I’so lonely and don’t want to burden my daughters, she is going on holiday on Wednesday. I’m looking after her wee dog, at least I will have someone to talk to. Take care, maybe together we will get tough this nightmare xxx

Thinking of you Charlie