I’m heartbroken

I’m jealous, I’m in a single bed at my daughters tonight, it was a nice night, we talked through what happened that day and about his funeral. My grandson was so close to his grandpa, she said they e going to have a special day celebrating his life as she didn’t want him at the funeral. I did have a g & t but brandy is still my fave. Enjoy

How lovely that your grandson will get to celebrate his love for his grandpa!

Before my beautiful Valen began to really badly struggle to eat, our favourite cafe that he went to every day, was discussing have a pie and mash night for the favoured few for him. 
When I went in today for art group they asked how would I feel if they went ahead in his honour, to celebrate him. 
I jumped at the chance! He would totally love that it went ahead. 

We are going to theme it around The Detectorists tv show which we all love. 
For his birthday last year we had a Detecorists night where we all dressed up as the characters. 
It was a hoot

Thats such a lovely thing to do, what a great idea, my grandson was very close to his grandpa, when he had his surgery and cudnt speak for weeks, he phoned me every day to ask how he was, when they saw each other he understood everything he was trying to say to him. The day he died I saw a message on his phone say I love you Grandpa, he wasn’t allowed to go to the funeral but told his mum to go up to him and tell him he loved him. She did it twice in front of the coffin. Such a strong bond between them, he will be sorely missed by his grandson, we will have to make it a special day as well. Xx

I am so sorry to read your very sad news. I hope you have someone family who can turn too. I’m sending you a hug and my best to you and your family.

Hello, I’m also devastated, I lost my husband in July… still doesn’t feel real at all, I’ve cried more than I can imagine. 4 months on I still have tears but are learning to adapt, I’ve joined a gym to try to keep busy. Trying to make new friends as I am only young,  Miss him so much …. 

My condolences to you Another Day. There are no words that can rationalise this in these early months after such a profound loss. I found the routine of the gym helped - going to yoga and pilates classes etc where you are in a room with others but not having to talk much. In London Porchester Spa is also so lovely and a lot say cold water plunges help along with any connection with nature. I got ill after my husband's funeral and was in bed in a dark room for a month with old AB Fab episodes and that was good too. At six months I felt I was getting stronger then now 9 months after a little more stronger but seasons can make a difference. This time of year reminds me of all the time I was in hospital with him last winter and it is a melancholic time. 

I find talking to him helps - like he is still in the room with me alone and I'm just saying come on and help me with this or that and then I hear/imagine/feel him laughing, either with me or at me, because the thing I have asked him to help me with is more my expertise than his, but then he miraculously sorts it out for me anyway. Throughout our marriage he always wanted everything to be 50/50 between us so I still try and do my 50% but he has to chip in with miracles and effort too! While he was ill/dying he kept talking about my presence in the room being the most important thing so his presence, thankfully is still around. (I started to feel this more after 7 months or so once I got over the initial shock, raw grief and some personal healing after such a tough time).

Take care through this season of mists and melancholy 

Love Florence 

Thank you so much, yes the dark nights I’m sure do not help. Getting fit again is helping though, when I cared for my husband I didn’t do things for me , I’m young to be widowed, I am hoping next year I will turn some sort of corner. 

Thank you 

Hope everyone is having as ok a day as they can today and that you are all taking care of yourselves.  I started numb this morning and did chores around the house but then had a phone call from a care agency saying they'd only just got to a referral to offer me some carer breaks.  Of course I had to tell them they were too late.  The poor woman did sound horrified but it just smacked me round the face again with so many emotions and the day has just got worse since then.  this evening I can't stop crying and have an upset stomach and feel nauseous and cold and achy and just not like myself at all, although i guess this is who i am these days.  still can't sleep in the bedroom as it just reminds me too much of his being ill and that he's now not here. had the gutters cleaned out today, as they offered while doing my neighbour's, and the workers asked if my husband was at work and i said he was.  couldnt face saying anything else but it just made me feel worse.  Sadly quite a few friends have not been as supportive as i hoped. maybe i'm being harsh and they just can't cope with how upset i am.  i get promises of calls and visits but then time passes and they make the same promises and it goes round again...  i just still cannot believe this is happening and so often just do not know what to do with myself as nothing seems to ease the fact that i miss him so very much.  how do we get through this?  love to all xx

I’m so sorry you are going through this, I’m the same today, having a really bad day, been crying all afternoon and even now. Feeling thoroughly sorry for myself, it’s just one thing after another. I also get the texts and people saying we must meet up, it’s not happening. I know I’m in a bad place, packing a bag again tomorrow and going to stay with my daughter for a while, everything going wrong just now, just hope I can get back to a new normal as I was starting to feel better. I don’t know how to get through this, I take one step forward and two back. Tomorrow another day, I’m so exhausted it must be a better day tomorrow. Take care xxx

Kaf, I said the same when I had our new table and chairs delivered this morning.

My beautiful Valen was with us when we went and looked a few months ago. 
Now he is gone. 
Unbelievable that one month we are choosing furniture then the next he has been taken. 
I just said to the guy today “he’s not here”. 
Which is a lie because if the guy had stepped into the next room he would see his casket.

I find myself pacing the house for ages. 
Just going round, circling the rooms. 
I find I’ve been crying without realising. 
I guess I’m looking for him?

Just one thing about how you are physically feeling. 
Don’t rule out that you may be actually unwell. 
We are run down, exhausted, running on adrenaline and gossamer threads. 
It would be surprising if at some point we didn’t become ill.

xx