Why?

My standard of eating is terrible now. Fruit.and vegetables a rarity and anything that can't be microwaved, what's the point

Saturdsy nights i would cook.us.something special and desert would be alcohol and chocolate.  There's no point.now

Do these things in memory of her and reminisce about the nice times you had its better than nothing its takes effort though.

I'm further along than you so you probably find me irritating sorry just trying.

My sister more or less lives off microwave meals too. I've introduced them to my `menu` as well but still cook dinners inbetween be it boiling a can of soup in the pot or throwing something in the frying pan or oven. Nothing as elaborate though as Jay used to make. He could never just make something without adding stuff to it and you'd end up with platefuls. I do oven chips as well so the electric fryer is now redundant. With me it just goes from the oven to the plate or frying pan/pot to the plate and the portions have reduced greatly from the Jay sized portions. Still have a takeaway on a Saturday night but it's usually a Burger King or MacDonalds or something from the local chippy. Jay was never one for BK or MacDonalds and we always had to have a Chinese or Indian. I've thrown those menus out. We'd have a pizza now and again as well but with pizzas I can take them or leave them and they're not a `must` for me. We used to eat out some weekends too and i'll miss that don't see that happening much now either. Fruit and veg were always a thing with us too and I've not had much of those either had a carton of grapes to myself a couple of weeks ago as a snack though.I do eat but just not as much these days.

xx

You have to do whatever you need to do some scientist once said even a bag of crisp is food so I wouldn't worry,and iv just heard a quote too,that if you survive a tragic experience it can only have a positive effect on your life even if you don't feel like it has ?

Morning. Positive effect? Sorry I don't see that. It just gets worse and each day I plead when will it be over. The families moved on and I'm.abandoned. alone and wishing I'd pass away in my sleep so this ends. 

But I don't and it won't. 

Oh Longshanks! Please don't think like that. I'm sure your family is there for you if you need them. Not my business and please tell me if it's not but I really think you need to reach out to someone professional for help a GP counsellor or someone if you really feel this bad. Even on here they will have someone who can help you. Think you really need someone to offload to. Hope you get there. Please Take Care. 

x

I think I know what jayne means, I think eventally it makes you a stronger person, but I totally get why that feels alien to you.On this group we are all at different stages of grief, some advice given on here may be totally irrelavent to you, but meaningful to others, you just have to pick out the bits that resonate with you. Whatever stage we are now at, we have all been where you are now. We all think our love was special, that our grief is worse, that no one can possibly know haw bad it is. But the thing is, we do. I am only 3 months in. I still feel like hell, I still cry every day, I still get angry and resentful that it happened to us and not other couples (totally unreasonable I know). But I am not as bad as 3 months ago. Maybe I am healing, maybe I am just learning to live with it, I dont know, I cant answer that. But I can tell you that I am improving. I kept a journal for the first week, I just got out of the habit after that, but when I read the things I wrote 3 months ago, I can see the difference to how I am now. Its very hard to explain. I know its asking the impossible to ask you to trust strangers, but I am asking you to trust me. This WILL get better. Please believe me when I tell you that. Yes this is unbearable, yes we all want to be with our loved ones, yes we all want our suffering to end. But the harsh truth is we have to get through this to come out the other side. As I have said on here before, my mantra for the past months from my shattered heart has been "I'm not going to make it". Each time, my head answers with "Yes, you will". And I know I will. We have to hang on the the knowledge that we will heal and that better days will come. Please hang on, your little doggies love and need you. We are all in this together. x

I'm not disrespecting anyone's depth of grief Iv been there still am there just further along than some of you just want you to hope that one day you can function again and not let this heartbreaking devastation destroy you.

I think this is a reply to longshanks rather than to myself?