Why?

I get you Crystal! Everything is so unfair and cruel I am just about a month in and it is very raw for me. When Jay was here I was like Longshanks and thought everyday about `ending it` and how I will never last without him. I went out in the car today to do my first big shop without him that is something else we would do together. Got lost getting to the supermarket took a wrong turning but found my way back - thank goodness for sat navs though she did take to me to somewhere I didn't have a clue where I was- but I find this is trial and error and I got my shopping and got back home again so it's a little `win` for me today something I wanted to try on my own and succeeded and I'd like to think that Jay was with me in the car guiding me along the way. I just see people getting on with their lives and think now it is so unfair unlinke you Crystal I can't cry. I can feel the anger and resentment building but I need something to give me a release to really get it out my system and it doesn't happen. I just feel numb at the minute and just bobbing along and going with the flow as they say. I too hope it will get better for me and the saying `time is a great healer` is true.

xx

Well done on your little win, its so important to give yourself a pat on the back. These things all add to giving you confidence. I am testing myself big time tomorrow, I am attempting to install and connect a new printer. My partner was the techie one, so this could go very badly and I anticipate some tears of frustration! You will cry when you are ready, there is no right or wrong way to grieve, everyone is so different. It is still very early days for you so just allow the grief to follow its own course. I will update you after I have had my adventure with the printer! x

I feel exactly the same. I don't how or why I'm still here. Each day is worse. I don't know how much more I can take of this existence 

Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and take tiny steps. Its all we can do. Sending hugs xxx

Thanks  x