Why?

There is nothing just mother nature.

I had a celebrant for my marks funeral, he was amazing and a former vicar until he lost his child.

Wife asked to be scattered in Cornwall where she was born. Wanted no service or vicars. She'll be scattered with her one of her dogs who passed same week she did.

I'm so sorry this is still very raw for you,ignore anything that is said or done around you it just distracts you just go with whatever your feeling right now sadly there are is no solution or words of wisdom at the moment that will make you feel better.

I take it 1 day at a time.  I get good days and bad days. Weekends are  the worst. But like you, I get through it.

Not got Jay's ashes back yet. Hopefully next week. Putting some into a piece of jewellery and we have our static caravan in Argyll in Scotland got the ok from the management there if I could go over and scatter some of his ashes there to just by the caravan before I sell it on. He loved it there he was the one who wasn't for the idea of us getting a static but where it was and the setting we had was just paradise right on the riverbank and the decking area bathed in sunshine during the summer months and not a sound but the river flowing past so that changed his mind. It's going to break my heart to sell it but I can't keep it going on my own. As it's predominately an `owners only` site it can't be let out to pay for fees etc so I can't keep it going on my own. I'm keeping the car going at least that way I can still have my independence, but I can't keep the two on and it wouldn't feel right me going to the caravan on my own it was for both of us to enjoy in our `twilight` years. My son doesn't want to take it on I asked him and he said like everyone else these days his and partner's finances are stretched just now and it's an expense they could do without so at least he's honest. My wee dog is at the groomers just now getting his 6 monthly trim and pamper. Should have been last month but obviously with everything going on with Jay didn't happen. The girl that does is does a great job with him but she is cutting her hours at the shop apparently just hope she can continue with Jack though. I'm sitting here now and just realise how alone I feel. The house is so quiet. I have a strange tightness in my chest I know it's grief and I want to scream but its that way you know you want to scream but it won't come out. I just need some kind of `release` and I think once I get that release I'll be ok again but I just feel it building and building. Then I hear of deaths in the news the news reader George Alaghia who fought bowel cancer for 9 years and then yesterday the sad death of the singer Sinead O'connor. This is all resonating with me just now because everything is still so raw. I just hope we can all find peace and healing somewhere down the line. Take Care All.

xx

I am having a really bad week, cant stop crying and feel really low. Am doing lots of sorting out and decluttering which is taking my mind of things a little, but then its her stuff I am mostly sorting so its painful too. Really not sure how I have made it through the week. hugs to all x

Same here Crystal!

Not been much of a great week for me either. Just kind of dragging along this week. Just now I'm just re-counting the weeks since he's officially gone and tomorrow is 2 weeks. I know it will- or at least I hope it will get better as time goes on just the `rawness` of everything just now. 

xx

This is so raw for you, I was there once not that long ago, I thought even hoped sometimes my grief would or might kill me,not eating or sleeping  properly drinking too much, but it didn't thankfully,I'm still broken would love my old life back, but you can and will find your way I'm not a confident person but you will find you have to fight to survive iv been doing things I didn't think I could do but I had too no ones going come along hug you and say ill sort it for you, its early days for you just see what happens you will know what to do when the time comes x

Morning.

The next time will be me, and I will be free of.all this.

I have no doubt I'll find a path in time but it won't be the one I trod a year ago.  Life will move on, but a large part of me will always be here. 

The weekend looms, I've ashes (hopefully) to collect, an altzimers mum to visit and tasks to do. But it will still feel hollow and alone. I've had no.conversation for a week.now and none loom. One hug from my darling and I'd be set,  but that's not going to happen.  Just loneliness and jobs....  I use to love coming home on a Friday. Now I dread it. But on.we go......