What Were They Really Thinking and Feeling?

Tellin,

I agree 100% that they would all wish us to live a good life and that's certainly what we would all wish if it was us and not them. It's just so bloody hard though isn't it.

I've gone through all of the 'grief stages' but seem to be revisiting guilt at the moment; Guilt that: I'm still here; can buy things that I could never before; can replace material things if I want to; and benefit from the life insurance. The latter was always in place for whomever was left but, even though I was the younger of the two of us, I didn't ever actually think it would be me who would be the benefactor. It just makes me so uncomfortable and guilty that I have some options that we didn't have together. We had great years together and experienced very much some highs with some lows thrown in. The memories are now all that we all have. Move on? Physically at some point yes. In life? I'm not so sure at the moment!

I'm now just beyond the six-month mark. Perhaps it's that which is making things more intense just now.

Take care,

WDJ

Hi wdj I so get the feelings of guilt , although it's over a year now since I lost Lynne I can't bring myself to use any of Lynne's cash she left around the house ,she used to keep it everywhere, in drawers, pockets safe , purse ,bags, I know it's crazy because I use the joint bank account and every penny was ours anyway but I just can't seem to get passed this without feeling guilty, just one of many strange thoughts that go through my mind, probably still be there when king Charles is on tenners ,              best wishes 

Your comment about not using the cash made me smile. I haven't touched a small amount of coins which were simply lying in a room. I'm only talking about about eight pound coins. They've become a little symbol. I did though stack them up - but that's just me - and would have been met with a "that's typical of you" statement.

Take care,

Yep it certainly is, 2 years 3mths on it's still shite. I just want my Jim back. I know it can never happen. I know he would hate to see me like this but that's how it is today. Absolute shine!

Shiny shite!?

I'm in this position, I can now have all the things we wanted over the last 30 years,but it means nothing now its pointless, I'm looking forward to being in a position where I have to go back to work and life has a meaning again,iv discoverd having assets isn't always a good thing,you  can't claim anything,if your under pension age you have to work full time,and if you have equity in your property do you save it for your children or your care home,or release it and have a good time these are thoughts that go through my mind every day and I'm only 59.

Holidays are the worst. My birthday was at the hospice facility 6 days before my husband died. I didn't mention a word about it because I didn't want him to feel guilty. He was already past the point of remembering those things. The torture continues. 

I have been reading about the stages of grief. What is not mentioned is that they are not necessarily linear and each stage can take a different amount of time, some very long, and they can start again from the beginning at any point. I don't really see what the point is of learning about the stages of grief if there's no Rhyme or Reason. It's not as though there's a beginning and an end.

Morning

reading the posts give me in a strange kinda way reassurance….. I too haven’t spent Paul’s money in his wallet there isn’t a lot but I never had any reason to go into / use his wallet when he was here it was his….. just seems so wrong

also we still have a joint account …. Well  I know his name is no longer on the account but  the account number is still the same to me it’s our joint account 

I know it’s early days for me but it n  the house Paul’s things are exactly as they were….. Paul us still here with me 

But and this is the thing for all of us he isn’t and it is absolutely shite 

every day Id I so hard….hard and folks say time

obviously not as has been said here 

I’ve never ever felt pain like it …. Hurt inside you all know what I mean

I'm functioning just struggling daily hourly minute by minute life dreams plans all shattered 

can’t even think about Christmas etc I so just break down

no book to read on grief we all here are living it

sending hugs to you all

xx

No one is posting lately not sure why,feel like iv lost my my personnel group therapy you must all have moved on and feel ok x