What Were They Really Thinking and Feeling?

Oh no. I hope you manage to get the scan and the results before too long and that the results are good. I always thought the waiting around, the joy knowing was the worst part 

Take care of yourself and know that we are here for yoh if you need to talk, rant, cry whatever you need x 

I feel so much for you still struggling so much after 12mths as guessing your Lynne would not want you to worry about what you did/didnt do or say as you wouldnt for her to, if roles reversed.  Mybe speaking with a counsellor might help...xx

Thanks cat did try counselling once through hospice Lynne was in but wasn't for me ,didn't find it any benefit, but if it helps some people that's a good thing, Lynne was my life for 35 years and I really can't see anything changing but what will be will be                 best wishes terry 

Hi Jayne64,

I am reading old messages, not sure why, must be feeling that way out. Just wanted you to know I am still here, and life still crap.

Donna

Are you finding that the grief is stronger now than when your partner passed? At first I was in shock and making all sorts of arrangements. Now the reality has set in that my husband is not coming back. It's a new grief that is brutal.

Hi SPL

You and me both!

your post  is so spot on

Paul passed away 24 weeks ago tonight and like you busy with arrangements etc then BANG this is for real and reality sets in and it is as you say brutal

i feel sick my heart aches , yearns for him to come back

i feel totally alone , bereft, and sometimes suicidal the pain is so bad

it was ‘good’ to read your post as now I know I’m not alone with those thoughts

keep posting I’m here 

take care….. I hope we survive ……somehow

xx

Hi Bess. Let's keep talking. At least we can share and co-miserate. 

Morning 

yes we’ll do that please

share co miserate  and cry!

I was in a really bad place before Christmas ( Christmas New year for all in here was horrendous) 

it’s so real ….. we all know our loved ones aren’t there but like you say suddenly something hits you when you are down and you realise as if we didn’t know….. this is it , my life alone ,

it bloody hurts!

Always here to speak to

xx

Let's keep talking. 

I am back to work today after about 2 weeks holiday. I will get back to the frenetic rhythm again and distracted. I think I need it as getting more depressed 

. It is horrible and so mind blowing that we have to make a new life without our loved ones. Today will be 14 weeks since Juan Luis passed away. .32 years together, and he was tall, athletic.65 when he died.

I think I am combining  my feelings now with a bit of anger mix. It's so unfair.

Reality is this unfairness has knocked on our doors. It's not something happening to someone else..

We need  strength to keep going. 

How can we find it ? , Do it for our partners or children if you have them. Or ourselves? Difficult 

I get Google photo notifications on my phone , this time one year ago,... And there he is sitting outside in the terrace... 

Hi Daybreak

i to get photo notifications…. Sometimes have a look then cry again

Paul did not like to see me upset and if here won’t like  what he sees …… lifeless aged wife….. it’s written all over my face

But……..I’m grieving for my husband best friend soulmate the person we loved  me more than anyone in the world ……

Year tomorrow ( as the day) Tuesday 11th 8.40 appointment with consultant who did Paul’s biopsy 3 days before Christmas 2021 to be told Yes confirmed lung cancer but early stages

no need for treatment but we’ve caught it so we’ll arrange treatment and kill it 

shocked but doable …… 

4 days later letter arrived a report to the treatment consultant about Paul’s biopsy copy sent to us 

top of the report Stage 4 …….!

hugs to everyone suffering 

xx