Struggling a bit

Hi

I am only just ahead of you as my husband passed away only 10 weeks ago. Everything everyone says on here is right and this site has been a godsend. I am only 52 as was my husband so there is a lot of life to come foe me not that I can see that far forward. The pain and grief is huge and i have just gone with crying when I need to (the emotion just overwhelms me) spealking to friends and family, taking every invitation for a drink, coffee, dinner etc.

I have had an initial counselling session and awaiting counsellor to be available but in the meantime I have started writing a journal to my husband Adrian to tell him about the day and how I miss him etc and it has really helped me as I feel like I am talking to him.

He told me not to keep hold of his things so have been doing it slowly but the last bit from wardrobe ready for a charity bag collection ( so many bags!)

I am off work currently trying to get my head straight and I am just doing things at my pace and when it feels right. Nothing is right or wrong. be bisy don't be bust talk don't talk etc

keep in touch on here - message anytime x

Thanks. I find it hard sometimes because I just want to go back home (US) and other times I can’t see myself having to leave the house. I know eventually I will get more settled being here, it’s just hard being away from my family and friends too. 

I bet it is. I'm coping thanks to my family and friends. Have you got friends here? Where do you live?

I have his family and friends. I came here right before lockdown and we ran his small business together…then he got diagnosed. I only know his connections. I’m in the Bournemouth area.

Gosh you've had some big things to adjust to. You're very brave xx maybe in months to come you'll be able to join something you like and meet new people. In the meantime chat away here. I sent you a friend request so if you'd like to chat directly we can x

Ugh, 15 months today since Nic died.  I'm feeling worse than I did a year ago after I'd dealt with the funeral, etc.  All the things that I've achieved mean nothing.  In hindsight they are just things I've done to pass the time so I don't think about everything that happened and what Nic went through. I think always about the pointless treatment, operations and endless appointments that Nic went through, re-living it all.  I'm still whacked out after doing the most normal things, eg the food shop.   Feeling very low and flat at the moment.  I know I need to get away for a break, but I can't leave my dog behind in kennels.  He can't travel far in the car so going any distance is impossible and I can't think about leaving him.  

Maybe I need to gave a good hard talk to myself, but I don't have the energy.

Apologies for the negativity, but I can't seem to shake it at the moment.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better.  Take care everyone.

Hi

I’m 9 months in, and like you, the simplest things tire me out, shopping is an ordeal, I try to get home delivery when I can manage a £40 shop, which isn’t easy, every week. I do very little, except sit cry and watch TV. I have plans to start going swimming, hopefully this week, will be quite an achievement if I manage it, would love to go twice a week, good exercise and gets me out of the front door. Apart from deep anxiety, I am so scared of catching Covid, and the long Covid effects, I have enough ‘problems’ without adding to them. Just started experiencing tinnitus, although only mild, very irritating, especially when it’s quiet, fortunately it doesn’t seem to affect me sleeeping. There’s a hand grab fitted by the front door, for linda to hold onto, when I helped take her shoes off. Made me cry remembering, really could picture her standing there.

it’s all so very sad, pity you’re not able to leave your dog, maybe just a weekend, so you can get away for a break, as you feel up to it, may do you good. 

keep safe

Bless you . Who would ever think that we could feel the amount of pain  and heartache we feel. Pete has been gone just over 6 months now and l have never felt pain and ache like it, not even when my parents and siblings died.

I know it is hard but just do what you feel is in your heart, l am sure that Nic is watching over you giving you heavenly  cuddles. I personally think that no one can give us a timeline as to when  we start to feel normal again, if ever, also what is normal?

Good morning,

Everything you said is me. Exhausted and flat.

Nearly 16 months since Rob died, defo have days worse then last year.

Been rethinking the day he died again, into every little detail, yes what ifs and buts?

Was decuttering the house in prep for when I sell, no rush but know it sensible thing to do and we talked about it, but at a standstill.

I have no energy, have re adjusted my part time work to even less from July. No interest at all.

I have booked 2 holidays, one with 2 bereaved friends, other on my own (for nx Jan anniversary of Rob's death) seamed a good idea at the time. Like you I worry about my dog, I hv found somebody who takes care of them in her own house, he going for a trial sleep over on Thursday, just hope she can manage him. I worry about most things nowadays.

My niece's graduation today, better put smile on my face, but would easily sit drink coffee or go back to bed.

Take care 

Love

Donna

nicmrs, just over 15 months for me too and you are most certainly not alone, as you can see from the replies so far. I thought I would "feel better" now but, like you, quite often feel worse now than the beginning of last year. We didn't have the obvious trauma that you have gone through with treatment, operations and appointments.  Not sure how you managed that as well as everything else, but you have.

Even though you may feel the things that you have done since mean nothing, you use the word "achieved" and I think that is exactly the right word.  I think you really have achieved far more than you can possibly realise.  When I felt really low a couple of weeks ago, I sat down and thought about everything that I had done.  Some of this was really basic, some a little more adventurous (not much mind you!) and the occasional thing where I actually thought "Did I really manage to do that?!".  I managed to surprise myself - I am sure I would have surprised Allison.  If you haven't tried it, then suggest you give it a go.  You may well surprise yourself.  And everything you do achieve is simply fantastic - from just getting up in the morning, walking the dog and managing all the things we never expected to have to do by ourselves over the past year or so.

I hope that you can find some way to get away, even if just for a little while.  And I would not apologise for one moment for being open in your thoughts. No negativity there, just some honest words, which you know will be received by the people on this forum with kindness and care.

Hope everyone has a good day or a better day than yesterday.