Struggling a bit

Hi there,

I am in a similar time line to you and echo everything you said 

I am 14 months since Rob died, done so much and cone so far, but feel no better.

So from all the funeral, paperwork, PALS, counselling, the Wake many months later due to restrictions, all the first birthdays anniversaries Christmas New year ect.

Bought a lodge at the coast, the dog died, got a puppy, back to work just part time, decluttering, decorated a bit best I can, doing best I can to do Rob's lovely garden. Booked a holiday for later in year with 2 bereaved friends.

I sleep for at least 2 hours every afternoon. Old before my time at only 54.

Lay awake like now, wondering what I could have done better, was I good enough, why me ??

So am I happy, NO, very flat, sad, but get up everyday and hope to get through the day the best I can, 

Tomorrow is another day.

Take care,

Love Donna

I feel like I have followed the same pattern as you! It’s coming up to 11 months for me and I have done many jobs to the house, lost our two senior dogs a month apart and got a puppy… back to work part time too. It all doesn’t feel enough… I’m still so flat, sad and angry and now I’m back to my PJs during the day. I bought a camper van to get away but after using it a little, I’m finding it hard to plan anything. I have a holiday in October with the family but now sure if I’m even going to be able to enjoy it. It’s to our favourite place and one of the last things she said to me when we found out it was a matter of days was “get on that beach” I’m just struggling with it all. 
I hope it starts to feel easier but the loneliness is deafening. 

Hi,

Thanks for your reply, Yes so similar, is this the life now?

Feeling sorry for myself, but should be grateful, I am sometimes.

I worry now making decisions, what to do, the feeling of having to do every thing, but want to do very little.

Just feel like going through the motions, doing what I have to. I do see gilmers of hope and have some ok days.

We should be proud of what we have achieved.

Take care 

Donna

Hi All 

I am just over 2 years now. I have done fantastically well with decorating etc and kept very busy. Not managed the hallway which I want done most and the gent who was going to do it for me has sadly just been diagnosed with cancer. 

I have been forced to slow up now by having my hip replaced which has gone fantastically well. Now allowed to start driving after just 3 weeks but a lot I can't do. Gives me too much thinking time and I have found I am becoming an emotional deadloss. I am not a teary person but I am at the moment! Might be the anaesthetic but it is crazy! I am trying to stay up beat but have had a few melt downs over silly little things!  I hate asking for help. That is hard for me and people are so helpful and accomodating but there! 

Guess I have to be patient with myself but it is hard! I do not feel very motivated today! 

Love and hugs

Alison xxx

Hi Donna.  It sounds really awful to say this, but it's reassuring that others are feeling this way.  I hate that there are so many of us in this situation.  I'm 55 and sleeping in the afternoons feels so wrong.  I am doing a lot of things, but feel so whacked out afterwards that all I can do is flop in bed.  All I did today was walk the dog and go to the tip, then straight to bed.  I feel so exhausted by it all.  I know from others who post on here that things will improve, but when you are in the middle of it all it seems like you won't ever progress with anything.

Maybe tomorrow I'll feel a bit better and hopefully all of you will too.

x

I’m pretty tired a lot of the time too. I used to be so active but now all I want to do is sit down and watch TV… even that isn’t exciting! If I didn’t have the pup I doubt I’d leave the house much. 
I’m 40 and all my friends lives are busy and fulfilling and mine doesn’t really feel that way. I went part time to help with the stresses of coping with my new “normal” but it’s just not the same without her. 
Tomorrow is our wedding anniversary. We got married last year when we still had a glimmer of hope but then just over a month later and she was gone. Only today I’ve been speaking to a couple of companies online as I realise my name hasn’t been updated and I get “congratulations” and “wishing you a happy marriage”. I haven’t the energy to correct them or point out the fact I’m a widow. 
Hopefully it’ll be ok tomorrow as I plan on keeping busy and seeing people so I’m not sitting on my own. 
Hugs to you all. 

I lost my husband 5 weeks ago and I am trying to keep busy but I'm so tired. We are omly 52 and he died 11 weeks after diagnosis and a couple of acute hospital stays. it's so tough. I don't know quite what is the right thing to do.

Hello, I'm so sorry that you find yourself here.  There is no right thing to do.  I've found that taking each day as it comes, good or bad, is the way to go. Please try not to put any pressure on yourself.  The need to sort things out and be busy can be overwhelming at times,  but if you need to spend a few hours resting in bed or watching tv, or doing nothing, then go with it.  I've had times when I physically can't do anything, but others when I have so much energy I get lots done.  I could go on but, for now, please know that we on this forum are all at different stages of our loss and are here when you need to vent or ask advice, so do keep in touch.  The support from this group is amazing.

With gentle and kind thoughts to you.

I am so sorry you are here. There is not right or wrong way to deal with any of this. It was our wedding anniversary yesterday and I found the day hard, but it was made better by having family around to keep me busy. It’s so tough, you’re right and all we can do is take baby steps. If you feel like crying, cry… screaming, scream… laughing… laugh. My wife died at 46 years old, 6 months after diagnosis and it was the worst time of any of our lives. Sometimes I don’t want to leave the house, so I don’t. I check in here as I find it very helpful. Just now I have had a big cry so I came here. Big hugs x

Hi,

just approaching the 6 month mark for me since Craig died, what I have noticed reading everyone’s comments is our ages I still struggle to comprehend I was widowed at 51 years of age, just in the prime of our lives and starting to reap the rewards for years of hard work, all feels very cruel.

Had a bad day yesterday was my birthday & first without him nobody wishing me happy birthday as soon as I opened my eyes and bringing me brekkie in bed, it’s the small things I miss. After wallowing in self pity for a couple of hours I played golf with friends, it was enough for me having declined being taken out for a meal by family.

Today I have a plumber in replacing the aqua coloured suite in the downstairs cloakroom all planned work before Craig died so no guilt attached.

Take care of yourselves & at least we have an online community for support xx