Feeling so alone at times

Thank you for sharing  Sel8810. Lots of virtual hugs. Sorry I have been slow replying, I have been really busy the last few days.

Cats are amazing aren't they, my two definitely cheer me up when I get blue days.. I have a ginger Tom called Ted and he does the stupidest things. Oscar my other cat gives amazing hugs they are my little world these days.. bossing me around all the time.

Yeah I think sadly normal we have a new normal and I am definitely now getting some wobbly teary days.. Friday being a big wobble.

Hope you are doing ok today

All the best

Hey Jebel

Hope you are doing ok. Sorry for the slow response

I have only managed to try one councilling session so far.. and it it really stirred me up. I haven't tried another yet so well done for being brave with the councilling I know they are hard...and hopefully in time it may help. I think councilling can be great if you find the right person... Least thats what I am told... I don't think the person I talked too was right for me.

I am not really sure about the how you get better... I am just going for the trying to live my life the best I can and hope a path reveals itself. I know Rob would want me to have a life and that helps me try even though sometimes it is really hard.

All I can do is give you lots of best wishes and virtual hugs. I am happy to talk more if it helps

All the best

Hi everyone on this thread,

What you are saying, Viv and Lizzie, resonates a lot with me. I too struggle with the purpose-thing. I said to a friend only last week how much I wish to have a real purpose again, to feel really fulfilled, and, ultimately, I think what I am saying is that I want to feel needed. This grief and the loneliness even though we are surrounded by people is hard enough to bear and I think I could do it so much better if I had a very busy worklife, a lot of people I need to look after, some extremely time-consuming projects to do, just something that keeps me so occupied.

I have always been a person who can function best when she is very busy and when she is needed by others. I know the following sounds a little sad, but my best friend is downsizing at the moment and I was so relieved last week when she asked me to help her here and there - thank God, something to do, something that will keep me very busy and make her life a lot easier.

I am also still working to grow my social network. As I was saying to a very good friend of mine, I have been in Ireland long enough to feel at home here, but I haven't been in Ireland long enough to have a really good social network because, even though I have been here for ten years, I don't have the friends from school, the friends from colleague, the people in my neighbourhood. And of course this is made worse by the fact that Paul and I never wanted to find or have friends, we wanted to keep ourselves to ourselves, which was fine as long as he was well but turned into a difficult situation when he was gone.

I am only rambling. But thought I share my thoughts on this topic too.

Best wishes

Mel

best with a strict deadline so that I am really under pressure to finish the project.

Lizzie, I like that phrase that it is not about getting better but trying to live our life. :-)

Lizzie, that's lovely about your cats being such support and comfort. I often think about getting a cat too. They are very independent creatures I believe but they can also be cuddly and loving I think and I would love to give it a really good life. :-)

Hi Mel,

I can totally rely on the "not needing to make friends because we have each other". Even though we moved from France 14 years ago, I only started making local friends in the last 5 years. When you're a couple, anywhere is your home and you don't feel the need to reach out that much. 

I have been trying to reach out more to single parents and lonely people around me now, because it's always a bit weird with couples. They're great but you always feel like the extra person they don't really need. To be honest, people living on their own don't necessarily need to see me or someone else (and I admire them so much for that!) but it seems more natural.

I think that you have found your project: Grow your social network. Courses, clubs, charities, it's all about getting out of the house I think. Easier said than done. I personally have been trying to think about my life before I was with Juliette. I was a student so life is quite different, but at the time I didn't need that much company. And thinking about the next step of my life, who I want to be now, what I want to do. It's not easy, but it can be a bit exhilarating as well to think that you can do anything you want to do.

Oh and rambling in here is the perfect place! 

Take care xx

Thank you so much for replying. Yes you are right, it is a lot about growing the social network, but also for me it is very much about being recognised for the work I do. I do therapy work and specialise in grief and bereavement and cancer care, and my practice has been a lot qieter than I would like it to be, and currently I am trying to find ways to market my services to the wider community. This is also an interesting thing to be doing because, yes, I do think that with the right tools and intentions we can do whatever we want to do.

Best wishes and hug X

Don't tell anyone but you've come to the perfect place to find new patients!
It must be complex to be on the other side and experience what you've been talking about with your patients, but I suppose that you have all the tools.

Hugs xx

Hi Lizzie

Thanks for your response.  I hope today hasn’t been too much of a ‘wobble’ day for you.

My husband was diagnosed with a highly aggressive glioblastoma brain tumour, which he knew was terminal.  The prognosis was around 6-12 months or maybe 12-18 months with chemo and radiotherapy.  He opted to have the treatment, in the hopes of buying a little more time.  He was so brave, never once did he complain or ask ‘why me?’  His tumour only affected his motor skills, so his speech, mind etc. was as good as ever.  He lost the use of his right arm quite early on and later his right leg too.  Despite much pleading, I was told that he couldn’t be cared for at home, so he was moved to a nursing home.

That was the beginning of the end really.  He was about 20 years younger than most of the residents and became increasingly despondent.  Two years ago today, he said it was time to stop all treatment.  He knew, as did I, that he would not survive very long without his meds.  However, I had always said that it was his journey and I would walk alongside him, no matter what.  I’ve have found myself reliving the day, and wondering whether I will ever get used to the loneliness, but I will do my hardest!  Sometimes the loneliest times can be when I’m with other people, especially couples.  However, I’m grateful to my friends who give me so much support.

Sending a virtual hug.

Sandra

Hi Devin and Mel and everyone else.

I have read all the replies and comments and so many hit the spot. Like many of you my husband and I did not need others. And now I feel a little guilty about how tough and lonely some single people must have found the pandemic. I was too busy trying to get my husband safely through chemo without getting COVID to think much of that then.

I am lucky in that I have some single friends who have been very good to me this last while. There is no doubt that couples don’t need others, or newly widowed people. So I have been enjoying the company of single people and taking some of them sailing. I have been teaching sailing to novices. Yesterday we sat outside in the courtyard of a cafe and we rolled with laughter - the service was a bit like Julie Walters and “two soups”. So there are good times.

And I agree, very strongly, with you Mel. We all need to be needed and busy. Even more so now when we are trying to blot out the void. I start the first module of a Master of Laws in November. I need a passion and I am hoping I can rekindle my passion for the law. And I have been trying to rekindle my passion for photography too.

And I strongly believe we need to do new things.

Despite all that it still is a daily battle. And there are days that are bad. But being busy helps. And we all understand the battle.

Viv 

Hugs to you all

xx