can anyone suggest reading material to help me in my grief?

Dear Happy5

As a retired teacher, I know the book you name only too well. You’re so right about what it represents and how relevant it is to the situation we find ourselves in. Thank you for the suggestion- I’ll be getting my copy down from the loft tomorrow 

Sending hugs

Jane

x

Hi Happy5 & Jane,

I’ve ordered my copy from Amazon and hopefully I’ll be able to read it to my grandkids one day, I’d really like that.

Ian x

Hello

I have just ordered a couple of books after hearing the authors interviewed on the radio. It’s taken me several weeks to actually order them and who knows whether I’ll be able to actually read them, but I felt I should try. One is Good Grief by Catherine Mayer, the second is The Madness of Grief by Rev Richard Coles. If I ever get round to opening them and reading the words on the pages, I’ll let you know. But please don’t hold your breath, it could take me a while.

Hugs

Jane

xx

I’ve just received the book ‘We all know how this ends’ by Anna Lyons and Louise Winter after reading a review of it. I’ve flicked by the preparations for the end as I’ve been there done that of course  I’m reading the grief section. I’ll let you know how it goes.

xx

Dear Happy 5, I have also been looking for some reading material to help me through this swamp of emotions .  I feel extremely overcome with grief at times and feel I may never be normal again because life is just not normal now my wonderful quirky husband has gone.  For me it’s like a tidal wave that engulfs me in the wash of tears.  We had been together for 52 years and it hurts so bad now he’s gone . 

Dear Stephanightly, I know exactly how you feel. We too had been in love with each other for 52 years. I can function 'normally' and then suddenly something sets me off and I'm in floods of desperate tears, and there is real physical pain in the agony of grief and loss. Something in me still does not want to believe that it has actually happened, that he will never be in this room, though as I write he is with me in a different way, close to me, or sitting in his chair and looking at me. I cannot question where I am, I have to accept it. And try to manage every hour, every day as best as I can.....it is all so difficult. I don't have the right words at the moment....

I will post my own list of books which haev helped me as soon as I can get myself together.

I realise that I have asked for title of books, and I'd still love more suggestions, but I can, should, also post what has helped me. I will, later.

Well the two books I mentioned earlier have arrived. I eventually opened the package and I’ve put them beside the bed in the pile of other books to be read.....one day I’m sure I’ll feel brave enough! 
Love and hugs to all of you

xx

I want to give the names of the books that I have at home. I bought them when my dear father passed away nearly ten years ago. Having been in lockdown I could not go to any bookshop to look for more, for my husband, but some of what I had are still helpful to me. I have decided that it is very individual, and there are different stages which I go through, I realise. .

.I have, but do not like the time-frame, Kubler-Ross. It was helpful, even though I disagree with quite a few bits of it. Apparently her contribution is recognised, but so are her limitations. I have The Grief Recovery Handbook, by John James and Russell Friedman.. Good Grief Rituals:Tools for Healing by Elaine Childs-Gowell is a bit different. Good Grief by Granger E.Westberg - a very small book, 1962, and talks about ten stages, but I still like it. Doors Close, Doors Open: widows, grieving and growing by Morton Lieberman. This last book takes 700 widows and widowers, and interviewd them soon after, a year after, and several years later. He is in favour of group help, but is very interesting, and I found support in the recounting of many other people's stories, and some psychological insights. Gary Andrews, Finding joy is a new book. I watched a live event with him-the book is about his loosing his wife- and was very moved, on the Goodgrieffestival site. If possible, read a bit of them on Amazon to get an idea about them, if they are right for you.

None of these are new books Apart from Gary Andrews.. I came across the Lieberman  book by chance, and bought it for a friend, whose husband was ill with lung cancer. I kept it, thinking that she would need it. But her husband is still alive, with his cancer, and I am now reading it for myself. What can I say???

Jonta, I do so agree, that I find that if I try to 'carry on as usual' and suppress feelings, they come later and overwhelm me, far worse than if I had just let them out. That is what it seems to me, anyway. About books, even one or two sentences on a page can really help me, I find. There are lots of bits in any book which won't be 'right' for me, so I keep on reading until I do find something. ...or not.. And what helps one week may not be the best again for a while. It's all so odd, difficult., awful...

Thanks Happy5. Thanks for the list of books. As I said once, Kubler-Ross was the first book on grief I read after my husband died and, at least, it kept me sane. I was reassured by the fact that others were experiencing the same emotions and were in the same turmoil as I was. I do like the title Doors Close, Doors Open and will try to get my hands on it.

A few years ago, my sister facilitated grief groups and was often surprised by the 'healing' effect they had even on people who had been struggling with grief for years and years. I've been seeing a psycholigist for the past few months and I've reached a point where I don't know what else I can tell her or what more she can do for me. I really feel that the next step should be a group but that doesn't exist where I live.

I am very sorry for your loss and, yes, life is full of ironies. I don't think we can run from grief; it catches up with us eventually but I agree with you, sometimes, it may be  a line or two in a book that helps just a wee  bit. All we can do is plod on until it gets a little lighter.

Just try to take care of yourself.

Hi Happy5,

I agree with your comments, and I think each one of us handles grief in our own way and therefore we’ll find more relevance in certain books than others. So when one person reads a book that fits in with their own personal situation then we’ll think thats the book for us.

As I’ve said before; for me I don’t like to read books about dealing with grief that have lots and lots of pages, as my concentration levels are not good at all at the moment, and I lose interest easily. But thats my way of dealing with things and for other people they may like to read books about the subject with lots of words in them and thats ok too. It’s “Horses for Courses” as my mother used to say.

All I know is that It’s definitely important to read books about “the best ways of dealing with grief” but in my opinion its more important to read comments from people on this forum that are currently going the through the same experiences as myself and reading their comments helps me to deal with my grief more than any book that I’ve read but thats just my opinion, and whatever works for you, just do it that way.

I do hope we all find peace one day, Ian x