can anyone suggest reading material to help me in my grief?

Dear po18guy,

I do apologies for the last sentence, it is all wrong. I can't cancel it, but I wish that I could. The  'may you retain...' sentence. I do apologise. .If you know how to erase it, please do! I have tried, but I can't.  I don't know how to. My husband would have known....

You are very kind, and I thank you. And yes, those are the high points of a 13 year odyssey that continues as I deal with transplant issues. Yet, I have transitioned from patient to patient advocate, as I address cancer patients in the states at seminars conducted by my hematologist. Life indeed took a sudden change, and yet I did indeed receive the strength I needed - and still need for the journey.  That sentence that I found so inspiring, is intended to be so. But, it is not mine. It is attributed to one Saul of Tarsus - otherwise known as the Apostle Paul. And, therein lies a hint of from whence my strength comes.

Hi Happy5,

I agree with all of your comments and these awful mood swings latch on to me too like a leech and I don’t seem to be able to get shot of them and I just have to ride them out like a metaphorical storm.

I also agree with you when you say that there are some lovely souls on this site and their comforting words of wisdom do help me to get through these very sad days as they’re going through exactly the same as me.

I do hope we all find peace one day, Ian x

Hi Happy5,

You can edit your previous comments and delete them by selecting the ‘More’ hyperlink and selecting either Edit or Delete.

You can also edit your original post but I don’t think you can delete it without going to the Moderator or at least thats my understanding anyways

Ian 

We are given to mourn. It is normal, natural, even healthy and is a process which might extend throughout our lives. Grieving is related but not entirely the same. There are stages of grieving and many of us have experienced them. We are somehow intended to work through grief. Certainly easy enough to say. Yet, as it is with lost youth, we may 'mourn' some things for the remainder of our lives. Mourning, I suppose, is more wistful than grief.  

I have a different perspective on the loss of loved ones. Knowing that it is generally best to get on with one's life, there must be a way of dealing with loss. Loss, certainly, but consider: we would have no sense of loss or grief except for the tremendous gain which we received from their time with us. Somehow, I think it healthier to focus on the positives, the gains if you will, as we struggle along without them.

Conversely, imagine what our lives might be had we never known them, never shared a moment with them. What then to remember? What, indeed, to lament? But, this is just me and how I see things.

Dear Jonta,

Thank you so much.

You also say 'I just have to ride them out like a metaphorical storm'.  I would like to share, myself, a book for anyone, related to your phrase.

I never really understood this book before, though I have read it many times to our children and grandchildren, but last week it suddenly struck me.

It is a book for children,' We're going on a Bear Hunt' by Michael Rosen and Helen Oxenbury.

In it, faced by a huge, unexpected obstacle/problem , you can't go over, under or around it, the only way is to go through it. And then, when you have struggled through it, and are on the other side of it, recovering from it with a short time of 'ordinary', there comes another, different obstacle to go through. etc.etc.

I suddenly saw that this is like grief, like living with grief. I can't avoid the awful grief, I have to ride it out, as best as I can,  endure it, go through it, just like in that children's book..

I think that there is another message in it which I am still not getting, missing, but anyway maybe it will help some of you reading this. It has helped me, this last week. It also shows all ages going through the same obstacles, just like in grief.

This may be a bit muddled, but I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.

Extra...I wanted to say that , for grief, I add pain, loss, sadness, as well. To go through them, as I can't avoid them, and if I try to, they will just appear around another corner. I have to go through them, however much I wish that I didn't.

Dear po18guy, 

Words fail me. I have just read your post. I am in awe of what you write, and of what you are going through, and of what your perspective is.

You are where I would wish to be, but am not. Your view, your perspective.  I am full of respect and admiration.

Again, you are very kind and I only hope that something I write has meaning and value. If it does, then you were, in a mystical sense, intended to read it. I believe that words come through me rather than from me.

Now, as to strength it is available for the asking. We need not know whence it comes. That may be revealed to us at the proper moment. We err only if we do not ask for that strength. I am convinced of the source of my strength - but I tell no one what to believe, choosing rather only to reveal what I believe, and if asked, why.

I am not a writer, but have written for over four decades. By osmosis, if nothing else, I must have learned a bit here and there.

Hi Happy5,

I’ll definitely have to read ‘We’re going on a Bear Hunt’ and I agree with your comments that you can’t avoid the pain, loss or sadness that goes with our grief, sadly this is ‘part and parcel’ of this hideous process we’re all going through and if you do try and  ‘short change’ the process you’ll just end up with more pain in the future, well thats my take on it anyways. I don’t profess to understand how this is supposed to pan out, as I’ve never experienced anything like this, as you only get one soulmate during your lifetime and I would never want to go through this again to be honest.

I hope we all find peace one day, Ian x