can anyone suggest reading material to help me in my grief?

My beloved husband passed away in July, nearly nine months ago,  after five awful months of pancreatic cancer. We had fallen in love fifty two years ago, and been married for forty years. The grief is overwhelming. Grief, loss, sadness, missing him terribly.

Can anyone suggest books or internet things to help me? Things about parents and children are just not relevant, I find, and I  do so want understanding from those who have lost a loved partner.

The Macmillan posts are so supportive, but I'd like reading pages....I know that it is all very individual, but I read of others here who feel as I do. So I'd be grateful for any recommendations.

  • Hi happy5

    so sorry for your loss. 
    my husband went in June so just before yours. Hard isn’t it.

    I am not sure what reading material you mean.  I googled about grief, did help me as my husband was the first person I lost, lucky to have all siblings, parents and close friends etc still here.

    it helped to understand how grief works although all of us react differently it made me realise I was not going mad and that if I want to bring his ashes to the bedroom at night and then back to the lounge in the morning then that is fine. As well as lots of different things I do. I speak to him all the time, sometimes when I pick up his teardrop urn I say “goodness babe, you been sneaking into the kitchen and eating all the cookies again”! (Urn is extremely heavy) LOL

    so I can only recommend google and browse through. Something may catch your attention.

    sorry for going on and if it was not quite what you wanted.

  • Thank you so much, Forever Autumn.

    You have been so helpful. It makes me feel a bit more 'normal' in my own grief. I have lost both my own lovely parents, but this is different. It helps to hear what others are going through, it makes me  feel a bit more 'normal' in my own grief and unhappiness. The children-two grown-up daughters- would love me to cope better, I think...., but tears are healthy, I feel. I will try to google again. It is just so hard at times.And, as someone here said, if you have not been there you don't really understand. The loss of a husband/partner is devastating. Fiends try, but they can be so far off the mark, and that can hurt also, even though I do try to understand them and their limitations. 

    I'd still be grateful if anyone can point me in any specific directions, for healing things to read at times, even though it is all so individual....

  • Hi there

    The pain of losing your partner is so different from any other. I too have lost both of my parents but when my husband passed away 15 weeks ago I never envisaged how horrendous it would be and continues to be.

    I am devastated, list, scared and sad. I miss him so much and sometimes still can't believe he's gone. I also cry a lot, I think more now than I used to. But as you say tears are healthy.

    I was recommended a book when I first lost John called Overcoming Grief by Sue Morris. I think I bought a used copy from Amazon, so it wasn't expensive.

    I read it in those first weeks and found it easy to read and it made sense of how I was feeling. I have just gone back to reread it as I am struggling at the moment and it is helping again.

    If you google the book, like I did initially you will get a better idea of whether it is for you.

    Xx

  • Hi Happy5

     The books I liked were It's Okay That You're Not OKay by Megan Devine and A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis. Both concern the loss of a spouse. In my very early days (over 2 years for me now), I read On Grief and Grieving by Kubler-Ross, which helped me know I was not going mad.

    I don't think there's anything worse than the pain of grief. We all know how you feel and we're all sorry you're going through this. It's not much consolation but sometimes it just helps to know there are other people who understand.

    I can't say if the books helped me but, as I said before, reading kept me sane.

    Take care of yourself.

  • I’ve read quite a few books about grief: Grieving the loss of a loved one, Stephen McAllister, Widow to Widow, Grief& loss will the pain ever end?, When your soulmate dies, The grief book, not sure if they’ve helped me but some suggestions for you x 

  • Thank you all so much. I think that I hope that even one sentence which is 'right' for me may help with the awfulness of it all.  I stay up late, because there is no-one to ask me to come and get into bed, and I hope that reading may help then. Also, reading has helped me at times to feel 'normal' in the awfulness of the loss...I found that if you look up a book on Amazon, and wait a few seconds, usually you can 'look inside' and read a few pages to see if the book may be good for you or not. It has been very helpful at times.

    As Limbo says, it is a great help to hear from other people, and you all seem to understand me. It is such a comfort, thank you all.

    Thank you so much. I am grateful for every name, title , author, of any books.