A different birthday

Yes thanks Northern lass, I think some of us newly bereaved are desperate to have something to cling onto to get us through each day, and to hear that it can get easier and you can enjoy life at some stage (even if it’s with a bit of sadness in our hearts) is such a help. It’s just the thought of never having that closeness again with the ones we love most in the world can be so hard.

x

Happy birthday to both of you. 

I felt mine was a bit flat as Ric always made a fuss but I don't really do birthdays anyway so it was partly a relief! 

Love Alison xxx

Hi All

This feeling of emptiness is so hard and I can’t imagine ever feeling happy again, everyday is Groundhog Day. I have sorted out Nicks wardrobe that was overwhelmingly sad if you could measure tears I had gallons. Friends say you don’t have to do any of this right now but my way of coping ( I think) is to ‘ box’ then reopen boxes when I’m ready. I have not been able to look at photos or do memories although for some of you that gives comfort I am hoping it won’t be long before I can. Without all of you and your encouraging messages I would have felt so alone, we shall get there together 

Love. Lee bop

I totally agree with you about groundhog day, I find I just  wish every day to hurry up and end so I can say Ive got through another one and hopefully a little bit further on this awful journey.

I cant look at photos or memories either, or even his clothes yet. It's too painful and the slightest thing starts the tears.  I cant listen to music either.... but I'm finding lots of interesting chats on radio talk shows!

It's a long hard journey for us all, sending hugs x

Hi Lee Bop,

I agree that’s how it feels right now, but I know in the future I won’t always feel this way. Remembering the happy times and the love we shared for each other will bring me comfort, even though my lovely hubby is no longer with me physically, I know he will always be in my heart and the hearts of family and friends.

I haven’t been able to touch any of his stuff yet, even his toothbrush and toothpaste is still in the same place. I’ll tackle that one day but for now it comforts me, like he’s still around somewhere. Luckily I am able to look at photos (just as well as they’re everywhere around the house) and again it comforts me. My stepdaughter and I were his biggest fans so we constantly talk about him and the good times, helps us feel close to him and has brought us even closer.

One day when lockdown allows we will hopefully go in a holiday to Cornwall, a place my hubby and I loved. We were lucky enough to manage a holiday there in between lockdowns two months before he died and for those two weeks he was genuinely happy, no scans or calls or talk of cancer. It was just me and him and little dog enjoying the fresh sea air together. I yearn to go back and hope it will give me peace and make me smile. The last place I saw him truly happy x

I agree, time will take the edge of this feeling of emptiness and wretchedness. We all grieve differently but I take huge comfort in pictures and even videos where I can see Gary and hear his voice and see him being the happy vibrant person he was before cancer destroyed him. And that is how I’ll remember him. I can’t listen to music either yet and find watching TV really difficult because I find it hard to concentrate on anything. I’ve still got Gary’s things exactly where he left them the day he went into hospital and can’t move them. That’s for way down the line. I get comfort from seeing them. I haven’t even opened his toilet bag yet that came back from the hospital but might tackle that today and put his toothbrush back in the holder, etc. 
Another day of dealing with official stuff for me but strangely enough, I like doing this and it makes me feel like I’m achieving something. Stay strong guys, we’ll get there xx 

Hello. Like you I’m finding huge comfort in photos and have always had family photos displayed round the house. There are plenty of my lovely husband added to the walls. Listening to music, even on the radio, is very hard. I don’t like the silence of no background noise but many times I’m reduced to tears by songs that I hear- even when they’re not of any special significance to us and the life we shared. As for his belongings- some things have gone- but his clothes, shoes and even his colouring books are still where they were. The biggest thing is his beautiful model railway that in the last few years he’d moved from the loft into the garage. He’d always had a model railway and it is amazing. It reflects so many years of work, so many birthday and Christmas gifts from me and our sons- I have stood in the garage and sobbed at the wonder of it. Will I ever be strong enough to dismantle it? Who knows? I’d like to think that at some point I’ll be able to enjoy it without the tears. He will always be here and in my heart, even though right now, today just three months after his passing, it’s in bits. 

I am hoping to have two memory bears made out of his clothing- one for me and one for our first grandchild due in May. 

Thank you all for being there, your comments give me strength and hope to face the future .

Take care xx

I can imagine how hard your birthday must have been. I remember my own first birthday after my husband's death. In fact, we had his funeral on my birthday and, for some odd reason, there wa something comforting in that, it was somehow as if this was the last thing I could do for him to have his funeral on my birthday or something like that I thought at the time, even though it was very, very hard. I missed him more on the second birthday. The last one was okay somehow. It will become easier with time. I hope that the fact that you weren't alone (you felt alone but were not alone in the house) made a difference and that there were some good moments in the day for you. 

Lots of love, Mel.

Thank you, yes it was nice to be with my stepdaughter and grandson just my heart ached for my hubby. I guess it always will x

Hi kenickiesmum

I find myself crying at things and try to work out link  but there is always one back to what me & Nick done together. Hold on to that lovely train set you will eventually be able to spend time with Grandchildren and explain the memory of every piece. I love the idea of using clothing for memory bear. I have managed to get clothing into the boot of the car but unable to let it go, so after your idea I will be retrieving items and saving until I can think what to do, I used to make patchwork so once I have sorted all the things we have to sort maybe I will start again. Like you I find so much comfort from these posts and when I don’t know how I’m going to cope I reread them and my heart breaks for everyone and I stop feeling so selfish and also isolated with my pain. I hope my messages read well as I’m not so good in putting emotions to paper I’m a talker, I’m missing that as I’d chat away   And I’m sure Nick after 30 years was expert at nodding and commenting in the right places ahh I miss him xx