A different birthday

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Hi bramblejoo it’s was my birthday yesterday and I was dreading it, like you I missed waking up to ‘ Happy Birthday Babies’ and his excitement for my birthday, events seem so hard on top of coping with everyday emotions. Us Capricorn’s are made of strong stuff and from your strength and kind support to others on here it shines through you are a Capricorn. My good friend said to me to put a  tick. By each event/ anniversary we conquer ( yes it feels like we have fought a battle) Like you my sons done a great job of stepping into his shoes yesterday but it’s not my Nick. Happy Birthday enjoy for your grandson and daughter it is such early days for us both to expect too much from ourselves.

Best wishes

lee bop

Hi Bramblejoo 

It's going to be a different birthday for you, a difficult day but I'm glad you're with your daughter. Hope that will make the day easier for you.

I am dreading all the 'firsts' that are to come this year, but I am trying not to think about any of it as it is too upsetting. 

Hopefully in time we will be able to enjoy these special days again, in a different way. They will never be the same as when our husbands were with us but I am really hoping that I'll learn a way to cope.

At the moment I can't cope and like you I seem to see happy couples everywhere, although I know that isnt always the case.

Take care and get through the day the best you can xx

Morning Bramblejoo 

Glad you’re with your daughter and hope that it helps ease the pain just a little. Today won’t ever be the same but hopefully you’ll find away through somehow. Take care. Sending hugs x

Thanks all it means so much to know that others are out there understanding exactly how I feel. We’ll all get through it together by supporting one another in here.

The day has been nice going for a walk but still just carrying around this constant sadness and lump in my chest all the time, but that’s to be expected I suppose x

It would have been my husband’s 59th birthday on Wednesday 13th January, that was a difficult day. It would have been our 32nd  wedding anniversary on the 24th of this month, so a few firsts to get through. It’ll be 9 months since he passed away on the 19th and it doesn’t get any easier. 
I still feel that weight in my chest and so very sad. I can’t imagine that will ever go away. 
Capricorns are very special xx

Sending hugs. Birthdays here start next month with mine, then March for my husbands. Dreading it. That stone in my chest is sometimes unbearable. 
Take care x

Hi there, hope today’s been bearable. And so starts a whole year of “firsts” for us. But you’re right - we’ll get through this together. I still think Gary’s going to walk through the door or the phone is going to go and it’s going to be him. I haven’t even emptied his football bag which is still lying behind the kitchen table. 
Be kind to yourself tonight - have lots of chocolate xx 

I text a family friend tonight who had sent a lovely birthday card. She lost her husband about 6 years ago to cancer. She said that she found time heals ‘a bit’ but you never lose the memories, both good and bad. It was the ‘a bit’ part that got me, the thought that the pain has only healed a small amount in 6 years time is almost too much to bear!

I did have a nice day with my daughter and grandson and they really made a fuss of me, but deep down I just desperately wished that I could have had the day I always had with my husband. I keep wishing for things to change which is ridiculous because I know that’s never gonna work, but I keep wishing for him to come back all the same x

A friend of mine who also lost her husband to cancer a few years ago said that the pain is like a huge stone with sharp edges inside, sometimes it is even hard to breathe. The sharp edges do smooth but the stone is always there. 
I don’t know if that helps at all, but I certainly recognise the stone that makes it hard to breathe. 
I’m pleased that you were able to spend the day with your daughter and grandson. I’m sure that she was glad to be able to care for you today especially.

I’m still find myself expecting to wake up from this nightmare and then he’ll walk back into the room.

Take care, sending hugs

x