How to cope with the loss of your partner

Hi Alison 

I was just reading the messages then I saw what you said about what you read nothing wrong with that 

I watch black white films  action films and films like Nottingham hill  bridgett Jones films like that so what you is not too bad. 
did you have chill day yesterday and was dinner nice 

only spoke to three people yesterday two on phone one when I went out for a walk   The loneliness is the worst thing  

take care 

Martin x

Hi Martin

I know I watch crap on the telly and read trash but sometimes we need light relief from life and need to dream! Lol.

As it was so quiet at work yesterday I stuck a notebook in my pocket and started my letter to PALS! At least I felt I had achieved something!!! 

Have a good week this week and try and relax a bit next week in your busy list!!! I have one too!!! Only way I can manage at the moment is to stay busy! 

Love and hugs Alison xxx

Hi Mandy

My thoughts are with you

Keep posting.

Love and hugs Alison xxx

Hi dxaxster,

I took a notebook to work yesterday and started that letter. It is so quiet there, I thought I may as well do something useful in between! I will do the same today!!! 

It has helped to write it down! 

Take care Alison xxx

Well done Ali its so much better when you start the ball rolling and I agree with you about the reason for complaining. As I have explained on numerous occasions to friends and family, it's not about getting money from the NHS, my names not Richard Branson, but finding out a) why was the Leukaemia picked up to late. b) why was her weight loss and other symptoms ignored for the previous 8 months  c) why was I turned away 3 hours before she passed and other things that were either requested but only came up months after it was too late.  On the point c I want  to know if it's a rule or the fact that my Angel Belle  was on end of life and staff were not informed. I also just want an apology and that no other partner is treated in that way. Who also made that decision?

I called PAL yesterday and they did call me back and they aimed me at making a formal complaint rather than meeting with her medical team so now just going to fill in the form.  I was bright enough to get my daughter and I to write our statements within 24 hours of my Angel Belles passing, so it's all there in its rawness of how we felt at that time. 

It's going to be a long process due to this Covid-19 but it's a fight I'm not going to give up.

Hi Alison 

make sure you do your letter. My work is busy  at moment one day last week I had to cover a late collection when they asked I said I will do it I have nothing to go home for 

when I watch tv and sit laugh  at something I feel guilty about  laughing keeping busy seems to be the only way if I go out for a walk it all still goes around my head  just like when you are asleep I have decided because I wake up every nite  I still say good nite cuddle the pillows 

may be I need a longer list for next week 

take care 

Martin x

Hi Martin

I could scream at work at the moment! They are rostered me to work one shift! I have emailed the manager to highlight her mistake! 

Now they are doing health risk assessments, back pedalling because they hadn't done them and asking me to decide if I should carry on working with my asthma!! Bit late now! Patients are being tested now so probably at less risk than I was! I could honestly slap them!! 

I am part way through the letter! 

Take care. Be kind to yourself

Love and hugs Alison xxx

The result is that I am high risk asthma. I can work if I am working with covid free patients, socially distance and wear a mask all day to protect myself from staff! If it is not busy, I may sit in another area and read something!!! Talk about Billy no mates!!! The occupational health nurse said they are back pedalling!!! 

So I have one shift tomorrow and then I am supposed to be on annual leave but I now have a shift on the Saturday because they have made a mistake with my leave and rostered me! I can't exactly say I am busy! The one consolation is it gives me a spare day for Christmas when I might need it emotionally!!! 

I feel really peed off and grumpy about it!!! Trying to stay positive though!!!

Love and hugs Alison xxx

That was hard going, wearing a mask all day! I had 2 drinks and one wee! In 8 hours!  My throat is sore from breathing the same air! Nurses looking after covid patients are getting more breaks from.the masks. I am glad I have a little annual leave  as I might scream! I feel penalised for working with asthma. I have done 5 weeks with normal.precsutions and now I am suddenly at risk!!! 

Thank goodness for a break. I hope everyone had a good day. 

Love and hugs Alison xxx

Hi Alison 

I did a del the other week they gave me a mask was horrible to wear may be they want to make sure you are okay at work now 

my day was was thinking it’s four months on Sunday  I’ve got a week  off now how am I going to get through it got to finish sorting the estate out tomorrow the keeping busy is wearing me out  this life is not good for any of us  plodding through a day at time is driving me mad trying to put a brave face on every day  sometimes I would like to get stick kneel down a beat myself see if a feel better because I have punished myself  why does this happen to good people sorry I’ve been on a downer all day 

take care 

Martin x