How to cope with the loss of your partner

Hi B71

Welcome though really sorry you had to join.

There is no easy answer to this, but every one here knows where you are coming from, and all understand what you are feeling

We are all at different stages of our grief  for me my hubby passed in October. Every one here will be there for you and we have all had the different emotion that one goes through..  It is so hard   every day can be so different and the tears can come from no where when we least expect them at times.

You will get a lot of support here and you just write anything down that you might be feeling,talking is the best therapy, and gets it out for a little  while instead of running riot in your mind.

I have to say i would not have got where i am without this group there s always some one here that truly understands.

Take Care Ellie xx

Hi b71 

like Ellie said we are all here for each other. Sorry for your loss
have you tried cruse bereavement they have arranged some counselling for me over the phone 

martin 

I'm so sorry you have lost your partner and haven't had any help, that is a long wait!

Well done for reaching out and making your first post on here.

This journey we are all on non of us wanted but we get up and somehow fill the day and go back to sleep. Some days are ok even good for me, I have just passed the 2nd Anniversary of my husband passing. I was unable to visit his resting place, "it would be deemed as unnecessary travel" not to me but I didn't visit. It certainly caused me to have alot of tears thinking nobody could visit him. 

This site is full of sensitive people who are on their own grief journey but have so much compassion and try to help others. 

Please be kind to yourself 

Hi Martin

So pleased you have arranged counselling after the weekend i have had i am thinking on those lines.

Good to see you.

Take Care Ellie xx

Hi b71

So sorry that your wait for counselling is so long. I had been told that I could be waiting 6 months but only waited for 2 months as I have agreed to do it as phone counselling due to this virus. That was with St Christopher's Hospice in South London

Got to admit it's been hard as I've got some anger issues with the hospital staff on the night my Angel Belle passed nearly 7 months ago. I've been told that I need to get rid of that anger by putting in a complaint and then can start grieving properly. 

But my counsellor was happy that I've been speaking to others on here for the last 5 months and not holding crap in. We do moan and ramble on but everyone is here for each other and we have or are going through this process. 

Hi Ellie 

you were doing so well last week what went wrong doing everything yourself  I do read the post do not always say a lot 

been struggling listened to some music the other day and every thing seemed worse not been sleeping properly 

then cruse rang and said they have someone to do phone counselling so I’ve got to give it a go I only had to wait a month or so

works been busy  then I have time to think and the brain engages again 

Take care 

Martin x 

Martin   was doing really well  two weeks every day kept busy, i even cleaned his old lawn mower which is a push along one cleaned it and oiled it and then cut grass, 

Saturday easy day bit of cleaning and thought i would polish took lid of and the spray bit fell of.

Something so stupid finished me broke completely down and sobbed and sobbed all day, in fact i felt sick, Sunday was the same.

I just fill utterly broke and cannot carry on doing everything, i have tried, might have been better if my kids could come in it is all jobs i had lined up for them.

Tomorrow is another day have to slow done a little got to remember   to take care of my self.

Glad you are getting help, i do not like this being alone, every decision is ours to make, we always used to discuss everything if there was a problem and worked it out together.

Think every thing has just hit me this is real and i had the wake up call Think i was in pilot mode

Take Care Ellie xx

Oh Ellie 

I’m impressed about the lawn mower  

just do a few jobs a day spread them out  their is no rush  I did house work Sunday when I decided I could be asked to get out of bed but that’s how I was feeling then I nearly forgot to eat  I had cried Thursday and Friday  nite and even in my lunch hour then I have them dark thoughts I should not have  

the being alone You are right couples make decisions together I hate being alone too she use to make the phone calls book stuff  now I have to try and do it and I hate doing it and miss cuddling up with her  are life’s are shit 

Ellie have a better day tomorrow 

take care 

Martin x

Thank you all for your messages...I’m not sure how to make a comment on the thread other than reply to a message

I got in touch with cruse and they were a 9-12 month wait to see someone. I tried to get in touch with private councillors but again there was a long wait. In the end I just gave up. 
I find it difficult to ask for help or to even talk about my feelings so it took a lot for me to say that I wanted the help but just felt like the one time I actually wanted it, I couldn’t get it. Someone suggested I try this to see if it helps talking to people in the same situation.

Some days I really need to talk to someone but I feel guilty for putting it on people, so I keep it in and then I get to the point of having a breakdown. So I feel like I’m in a never ending circle. 

I never want to forget her and I never will. She is the first person I have ever truly loved. She was my world. I just feel like my world has been crushed. I just don’t know how to get myself out of this dark hole I am currently in

Hi B71

It is one day at a time and small steps, i am afraid and you have made the first move by asking for help.

I am sorry it is going to take a while, but again you have joined the group so another small step.

I get threw one day at a time, and i say to my hubby every night got threw another day and tomorrow will do the same.

Our other halves would want us to carry on for our selves and them and they will never die while we do.

My hubby was my first love and my last, loved him from the start right till the end and still do.

There will always be some one here that will relate to how you are feeling, just put it all down in your thread and some one will relate to it.

Do not keep it all to your self release a little at a time and the load gets a little lighter.It is a dark tunnel but sometimes a little ray of sunshine breaks through if only for a short time, and we go there again but the little ray of sunshine starts to last a little longer.

Take Care Elliexx.