What Ive discovered

Hi Sheila 

yes life is shit  I hope are spouses are watching over us all 

don’t go down the drink route happiness is not in a bottle I would know tried 17 years ago when my first wife left me  I poured 18 bottles of drink down the drain when Diane died to stop me drinking it 

the sadness and loneliness if feel and hate it I get angry I cry beg her to come for me it like this my family just leave me to it tell me it will take along time to get over it. Even tho I feel like I’m going mad I try to keep busy at weekends does not always help  then get sad angry and hate myself for being alive  

some body at work said what if you get the virus I said oh well mite make me happy be with my wife again see you are not mad  I have to go to work I drive for living 

take care Martin x

Me too. Proper painful sobbing. The isolation has just compounded the existing isolation I felt since my husband’s death. I have time time to do things around our house and garden that we planned to do together. It’s a new experience for everyone but I am constantly thinking ‘what would you do? What would you think? How would you cope?’ . 

My hands too! There isn’t a bit of them not ripped to shreds! Have had to order new ones. Hope they come today x

Martin , I am nearly 9 months on this shit journey and I feel exactly as you do. The loneliness and missing our other half is so gut renching , it hurts every day. And I have thought the same thing, if I get the virus so what . But on the other hand our wife’s,husbands and spouses wouldn’t want that so we have to live for them as well. 
Take care all 

Mike

Hi mike 

I know they would not want that she told I had to get on with my life  but not easy with the pain   Emptiness loneliness we all feel on here 
ive been for a walk been shopping even cleaned car that’s just this morning  

what next said to myself may be do some painting next. Am I in the mood tho keeping busy not that easy. And they banned fishing can’t go their either

have good day 

martin 

Hi Martin. The last thing my wife said before she passed was “ please be happy “ a lot easier said than done. Yesterday I painted the fence ,today I might start on the sheds. . I will paint them but like someone else said , what is the point . No one is going to see what we have done , no one to say do you want a cup of coffee. I also talk to her photo ask her to come back , and light a candle in front of her photo every night , she always liked candles. I know we have to keep going but it is so hard. Thinking of you. 
Mike. 

Hi All,

First of all Messymum I love your signature poem and I think it is so true, I think we have all shown ourselves that we are stronger and more capable than we ever thought.

I am luckier than some of you in that I still go to work and I have teenage children at home so I am not alone. That's not to say that I'm not lonely though, because I am....very.

I have had 2 days off work and can honestly say that I've cried more in these 2 days than I have in weeks. I feel so lonely and not being able to meet up with friends and go out to lunch is giving me too much thinking time. I have a huge list of jobs to do in the house and the garden but cannot find any motivation so am just doing what absolutely needs to be done. I have become very lazy.

To all of you that are on your own, isolated from your friends and families my heart goes out to you all. This virus couldn't have come at a worst time for us.

Take care, hugs to all. Ali x

Hi Ali,

I could have written that! That is me!!!

I started work on a ward yesterday, we are the first Nuffield to be backing up the NHS. The girls were wonderful, it is a smaller work place and I have worked there for 3 months in the past, but they are immediately realised I had been struggling and supported me and I had a good shift. 

I have phoned my good friend today. She lost her husband in October suddenly not to cancer but is the same age and works for the NHS as does her daughter. They are not being treated so well by their employer! But it was nice to chat and understand each others fears,! 

Feeling better today. My house is clean, beds all changed,  Third line of washing drying. Fridge defrosting!!! Garden already started but too cold today. I have to keep going because when I stopped the tears flowed for hours!!

Teenage children are not always company are they? 

Take care

Love and hugs Alison xxx

My two teenagers definitely aren’t. They are too engrossed in their own worlds. I accidentally removed an app from my 13 year old’s phone and she’s just screamed at me ‘no wonder you are in your own’. I don’t think I have spoken to my son in days! 

Messy mum, the last lines, from winnie the poo? Brought me to tearsxx