What Ive discovered

Sorry Geoff is this sounds mean or upsets you, it’s not really meant to.    So , been there done that, but it’s not good for you, I know you probably don,t want to , but get out into the world again, talk to people , join a group , but get away from sleeping, drinking and waiting for your turn.  You have the privilege of being a live, lots do not, don’t waste it. 

I know your grieving and rightly so and we all do it in different ways.  But I , and many others have been in the same dark place, so we understand , but I would love to see you come out the other side.

keep, well, keep safe and try to live a little

lee

Hi Lee 

I pressed the 'Like ' icon just acknowledge your post mate because McMillan doesn't  give us any another choice. I don't want to join a group. I cant think of anything  more yuck than that. I'm not a 'group' person, Never have been. I have good friends in the street  I go out  to socialise and eat with two good neighbours three times a week. I also go out to lunch with two other widowers every Friday. And our very supportive children visit me once a week. I thank you for your well meaning advice but advice doesn't work in matters of the emotions and feelings. I'm 74 and have studied psychology and human nature for over 50yrs. Im also a very Spiritual person having studied and experienced things over 60yrs  that defy modern science , particularly since losing my Anne. So my friend Lee I know where I'm at now. However thanks for your kind input.

Love and Light

Geoff

As long as you are where you are by choice, then I wish you every luck. I could not see a post like yours without holding out a hopefully helping Hand. If I offended you I am sorry, no offence was meant. 

Take  care and be well

Lee. 

Hi Lee, I'm with you, I hate to think of Geoff feeling as he does. X

I couldn't agree with Lee more. And that goes for all of us.

Hi Lee 

You didn't offend me my friend   I know that what you posted came from your heart. I'm as truly happy as I can be. It's just that the way I'm dealing with things may seem strange to others. My past is connected to the Met Police London. We used alcohol a lot to get through the job that we chose so I'm used to doing it now. I don't have a drink problem thank goodness. But used wisely for me, it quells the pain of bereavement. For sleep. I've always had the gift of sleeping on a clothes line any time day or night. LOL

Love and Light 

Geoff

Well, numerous times we all acknowledged that grief is not linear and everybody grieves differently. Someone starts dating 3 months later, someone can’t move forward for years or never.

I myself struggle a lot, 6 months later. I don’t know what will become of me or who I am now. I have lost my confidence and it affects me greatly, I question everything I do at work and at home. I used to be such a positive, smiley person. Not anymore. I miss a person I used to be wihile Danny was around. 

We all share one common thing - the horrible loss of our loved one. But we’re also different people at different stages in our life and we deal with things differently. What works for you, it might not work for me. What helps me on this forum is to read about different perspectives, learn about it but it doesn’t mean I’m ready or able to follow the same path.

I also feel that it is hard if not impossible to put myself in Geoff’s shoes. The life he lived with his Anne was a complex  50 years long love story and none of us can’t feel what he feels. So we all could be very pragmatic and think about life as a precious, try to “let go” and all the rest. And good for you if it works. I hope I’ll think the same this time next year. I could be Geoff’s daughter when it comes to age, and yet I also don’t find life that precious any more, I don’t feel joining any groups and talk about my loss. With so many people around, I’m very lonely and lost. I just can’t cheerlead myself to feel what I’m not feeling. 

Grief is just crazy, unpredictable and horrible and we just have to deal with it, each of us on our own way. 

Lots of love 

Dalia

Dear all

I've become very relaxed tonight which is unusual for me. I know this may seem weirded to some of you but I'm used to Anne visiting me every day. I get a tingling feeling across my face like a cob web has settled,  slightly itchy and I smile instinctively. I believe my Anne has left for a while for her 'Soul Review' After that I know she will revisit. She has temporarily gone but left me with a beautiful calmness I could never have expected. 

Love and Light 

Geoff 

Hi Delia,

like you I no longer feel like me either. I’ve lost half of me and I’m no longer fun Sheila, happy Sheila, confident Sheila. I’m now forgetful Sheila, scared Sheila to name a few. I take shelter in the safety of my house. I try to work but it seems pointless. I keep the house tidy but I no longer love our house in fact everything I di I ask myself “why am I doing this”?
i wrap myself in bobs shirt every night talk, kiss and stroke his photo and cry myself to sleep as I remember every part of his strong body (pre cancer) somehow I don’t remember him so thin and bed ridden I just remember him strong and healthy which is good I suppose. Then I cry myself to sleep.

im lonely even when I’m surrounded by my amazing family. Life is crap! I’m 59 and I feel like my life is over!

Sheila

Hi everyone, I guess we all feel that loneliness no matter who we have around us, that emptiness and the physical loss that is akin to having partof you ripped away. I go downstairs in the morning to put the heating on and have to go back down half an hour later because I realise I didn't do it. In work I feel like crying because of the amount of times I have to recheck everything I do, even having to go back upstairs to keep checking I've turned off the taps in the ladies. It is shit! But something inside me keeps trying, even though I want to cry. Like some of you, I don't want groups even though my daughter has joined me up to the Jolly Doliies. I haven't been, I want kens arms around me, but I have to make do with his photo. The only pleasure I get is a long soak in a warm bath, the knowledge that I have work to go to to fill the day. Then after work I am glad to get home and talk to Ken. Hope the  new cat will also help, the thought of a spring day also helps a little, the sight of bluetits checking out the nesting box, they are life affirming. I hope you all have the best day you can xx