Alcohol

Hi Anne

My husband paased away January this year we used to have a drink or two most evenings and i still do, i find it helps me through this journey and i am not dependent on it.

Everybody on this journey finds their own way through it, and if that means having a few drinks when you feel like it so be it.

Cheers.

Mary

Bloody hell what have I just read on here 

How dare people come on here and try and make out losing a Dad or mates is the same has your partner or spouse. I am literally godsmacked 

I know there hurting but don’t compare unless it’s happened to you, Ann I hope your ok please don’t let these people upset you yes they maybe going through it but I can’t believe they are comparing losing a Dad or Friends to your soulmate 

I posted on here a couple of weeks ago about drinking I then decided to do a month of the beer and I done it no problem. I like to drink just to wind down in the evening not every night but I do love a glass of red 

for the other Two on this thread I have lost my Mum Dad sisters Nephew and 2 best friends but none and I mean none even though I loved them all to bits could even come close to the pain I felt and feel over losing my man. It’s bloody disgusting really Pissed me of reading there reply’s to you Anne

Ps sorry for the swearing 

hugs Jane x

Jane, thank you so much for  your post. I saw my bereavement counsellor today and she said don't let yourself be intimated by people who have no idea what you're going through.  And it looks like they've been removed now, but I've said to the moderator that they shouldn't  have been allowed on this forum in the first place. 

Anne x

X

Like some on here, I also have a drink or three at night. I don't drink to excess, just enough to slow me down and start to relax so I can try and get some sleep.

Some drink to remember.

Some drink to forget.

Whatever floats your boat is OK. We're all paddling our own one person canoe and we answer to no navigator.

, I've read through this entire topic, including the "less than helpful" posts. Whilst the replies to those posts were strident, I genuinely admire the restraint you and the others managed to summon. Kudos to you and the others for the calm manner you handled it in.

I have much to learn with respect to responding to stupid comments like that. 

Ewen 

Hello Ewen

Thank you for sharing that, I clicked on your link and while I haven't had anything quite that crass said to me, there have been gob smacking moments - eg (on phoning to cancel one of John's credit cards, having said he'd died) 'I  need to take you through security.....how old will your husband be on his next birthday?' As for God, I do believe in him but John didn't, he often came to church with me though and rwspcted other people's faith and we agreed that we'd have a funeral service at my church because I wanted that and he wasn't bothered either way.  He wouldn't have called himself a Christian but he was a nicer, kinder and more tolerant person than many 'Christians' I've known. Apart from a few notable exceptions, I've had very little support from people at church. A very religious friend, when I said I was a bit 'off God' at the moment because I didn't understand why he let someone as lovely as John suffer so much, reminded me that Jesus suffered. Well, that really doesn't help! My daughter, who's an atheist, said that if God does exist he must have a b****** sick sense of humour to let such awful things happen to good people. I carry on going to church, but this is a huge test of faith. And 4 months on, the phone calls and emails, never that numerous, have reduced considerably, like perhaps I should be getting over losing my husband of nearly 40 years by now! I will continue to have a drink or three in the evening. John hardly drank, never smoked, had a pretty healthy lifestyle and still died of cancer at 65. So what the hell.

Anne x

Anne

Like you I do believe in God and go to church but the support has on the whole been non-existant.  I've been told my husband's in a better place, he wouldn't want me to be sad and yes that Jesus suffered too. I've been told that something good will come out of my loss, when I said I don't see how I was told not to focus on being negative! 

I lost count of the number of times people  told me to be positive, both before and after John died. There is nothing positive. 'He would want you to be happy', well yes, he always wanted that but I can't imagine being happy without him. He never realised how special he was and how totally devastated I would be without him.

I totally agree there in nothing positive with your loved one passing my wife was stolen from me by cancer and multiple organ failure and I'm sure she was not happy nor am I she didn't want to leave but pain was so great it was a blessing cancer is a horrible thing I hate it

Newb, my husband was so positive and so philosophical, he fought very hard against this horrible disease but in the last few weeks he just couldn't cope with it anymore and he told me the day before he died that he'd had enough and he wanted it to be over. The night before he died I had actually prayed for him to put out of his misery, and perhaps there is a God because he died the next day. But on the other hand, why did God do this to us?