Overwhelming sense of loss .

Hi Mike 

Yes Mike. Take some comfort from your dog as you would feel a lot worse,as I lost our dog 2months after my wife died. A dog gives you a reason to get out of bed and out of the house, as hard as it is whilst grieving. I'd love another dog for companionship but I couldn't leave a dog for 9 hours, five days a week. It wouldn't be fair. Walking your dog has always been a social event, you get to talk to so many people. I really miss it. Walking alone now is not the same thing. Walking the dog was a pleasure, walking alone now is just killing time. Hopefully this will change with time. 

Hi Everyone on this Terrible journey. Just been reading everyone's posts and take advice and  comfort from these. Love it when I here people are having a slightly better day and feel for those that are having a terrible day.

Monday I decided I would try harder especially with things that I can control such as my comfort eating which has got out of control and trying to go to bed earlier and try and achieve a little something every day. I know it's only Tuesday but so far I've eaten 0 crap food and got to bed by 11.00 last night. I went for a run outside, been to the gym twice and shaved my legs so I feel proud of these little steps.

Having said that I was working from home yesterday and going downstairs to get a coffee I walked past my Bob's photo and realised how lonely this house is and how I missed him and my Job, the house all mean nothing to me anymore and started sobbing and from then on been on a real downer, just feel sad and empty and tearful. God it's so bloody hard.

This might make you laugh though. Since Bob died (7 weeks ago) I've been brain dead. So far I've had a speeding ticket and a parking ticket and that is not me. Today I headed out to work to face "Real people" I had to actually put on smart clothes and get out of the house at a proper time of day. Driving along I glanced in my rear view mirror and was mortified to see I had put 0 make up on. OK I've not bothered much since my boy passed away but believe me I shouldn't be seen in public without make up so the sight I saw in the mirror was shocking. I pulled over in the nearest bus stop and the only thing I had in my handbag was some lipstick so I put this on and did a couple of circles on my cheeks to give me a bit of colour and instantly looked like aunt Sally!!!!!!!!! continued my journey and survived the day but with an ache in my heart that just won't go away.

Sorry for the long post but feel like i'm talking to someone who might be listening rather than talking to myself as my listener is no longer here to listen. I will talk to his picture tonight as I do everynight before putting him on his pillow next to me wrapping myself in his shirt and attempting to sleep when the sobbing subsides.

Keep posting everyone I love reading your posts

Sheila x  

Hi Sheila 

Don't worry duck, we've all been there. I thought I'd got a speeding ticket recently because I was thinking about my wife and drove straight past the speed camera van. It's just over a year for me and I still have momentary lapses of concentration. We're all going through a traumatic life event. 

After 14 months, it's still one at time for me. 

Hi Sheila 

your post made me laugh  I have a days like that too 

remember happy thoughts of what you did together on holiday and during your life together when you go to bed mite help you sleep it sort of works for me I still wake up in the middle of nite tho 

martinx 

Your story put a smile on my face. Thanks. We can all identify!!!

I know this feeling too this being at home during daytime and having nothing to do and finding it impossible to sit down and just do nothing. For the first year or more after Paul died, I hated days at home on my own, particularly week days when I didn't have any work and was here at home knowing that other people were at work, and completely forgetting the fact that many people are not at work, they may have been home sick or studying or not have a job. I remember how I used to walk around the house feeling so utterly alone and devastated. That was when I decided to make myself go out whenever there was a day when I had nothing to do. I used to go for a walk, go into town anyway even though I had nothing to do or arranged to meet a friend. Nowadays I feel a little more comfortable when I am at home on my own, even on week days, and sometimes I even like my own company now. But it takes time. What I have found really important is to force myself to leave the house every single day, even if the weather is bad. Now I don't have to do that anymore, but at those times when I couldn't stand being at home on my own for too long it was a real life savor. Joining Meet Up helped too because I had to go out to join certain groups on certain days or certain evenings. I still feel best, though, when I have a lot of work. Tomorrow for example I will be seeing many clients and I am already feeling cheerful when I think of that now. It's just better to be busy. little

Hi MelanieL

I'm always going for a walk, to get out of the house. Walking alone without my wife and our dog, just doesn't feel right. After 14 months, it's difficult to walk and not have thoughts spinning around in my head. Walking and feeling at peace, is still a long way off. As half of me is missing. Hopefully some day this will change. For now I just plod on, as you say it's better to be out of the house. I'm always watching anyone walking their dog,thinking we should still be doing that. I can't help it. 

I'm afraid there's no enjoyment in anything yet. 

• hi everyone a song to listen to I end up in tears I don't know if anyone else can listen all the way through Luther vandross. dance with my father

Oh Ian, that was one of my husband's favourite songs and it always makes me cry. I love Luther Vandross, I know every word off by heart. I almost had it at his funeral but decided on something else instead.

Think I will listen to it later. I've been listening to a lot of music in bed rather than watching tv as I can't seem to concentrate on anything for long. 

Love and hugs. Ali x

hi Ian and. Ali 

try from this moment shaina Twain. Ellie Golding how long will I love you I find them make me cry loads 

Martin x