Overwhelming sense of loss .

Like you Mark my signs have stopped and I’m even looking out for them now. Bread outside the patio doors to try and encourage a Robin, looking out for white feathers - nothing! I know he is watching over me but just craving confirmation as I feel so very alone and lost and sad even manifesting in heart racing, feeling faint and physically sick in the last few days.

im 7.5 weeks into this dreadful awful journey.

sheila x

Hi Newbe 

We're all in the same boat, without a paddle and rudderless. On a journey to nowhere, it feels like an endless circle. 

I've just finished work at 6AM. I'll get in bed but won't sleep and it will be the same all week. 

Would it be fair to say, we are just an empty shell of our former selves. 

Hi Sheila 

We're all here for you duck, feeling your pain. This is the best place to express how you are feeling. Whatever that may be. 

Yes I think we are just a shell I can put on my outside happy face at work but inside it feels dead I have tried to move on but can't seem to manage it hope you have a little sleep mark 

Good morning Andrea , Mark , Ian and everyone else on this horrible journey. . I have been reading all your posts and couldn’t agree more with yo all. It’s been 8 months for me now. And like Ian said when outside the safety of our house  ( it’s hard to call it a home now ) we hame the mask we wear , people think we are doing well. But unless they are in our club , they haven’t got a clue how we are really feeling, 

Yes some days are better and the pain and crying does ease after 8 months, but it is still there in the background, I don’t think it will ever leave us. I still hate going to places we used to go together as it brings back so many memories, I also hate going to new places as I think Winnie should be here to see this. 

I still find the evening the worst when you are back in the safety of our house the mask comes of and reality comes back ,you are alone. Andrea said even in a crowd of people you are still alone, that is so true. 

this to me isn’t living, it’s just surviving from one day to the next , even after 8 months it’s still one foot in front of the other. 

hope you all have a better day than yesterday. Mike. 

Dear Mike 

Your post sums up exactly what's happening to me and how I feel. As you are,  I'm 8 months on as well from losing my soul mate. Yesterday I had to visit the same local hospital that Anne went to on so many occasions. I left my car parked about half a mile away to give my self a good walk in the sunshine and of course save on the obscene parking charges. Along my walk I notice the bright green buds of Spring bursting on the  roadside bushes and so much white blossom on others. It was  then that I remembered just  how much my Anne loved to see it all this time of the year.  A sure sign that summer is on the horizon. Then my heart sank and the tears flowed as once again  grief attacked me yet again unmercilessly and out of the blue. I've never felt so lonely in a long time. This summer will mean nothing to me other than the memory of last  July when our children and I saw beautiful Anne slowley dying in her hospital bed as the sun shone brightly through her window and the white dove that settled on her window ledge a few days before she passed.

Love and Light 

Geoff

Dear Geoff. July was always a lovely month full of sun and warmth ,the month we used to go away. But now it’s a month I don’t want to think about. The 15 th of July last year changed my life for ever ,unfortunately for the worst. Today iam am sitting on the couch can’t think of what to do. Before last July I was always doing something, now there just doesn’t seem any point as there is no one here to see it. Hopefully things will get better for us. 
Take care Geoff. 

Hi Geoff 

I feel the same even, while waiting to go to work. I stare out the window,wondering what's the point. It's become impossible to just sit and relax, it's bizarre. I have no interest in the house or garden either. 

When the nice weather comes, it makes me feel worse, as you say. You just think of what you would have been doing together. 

Hi Mike 

Funnily enough, I struggle the most during the daylight hours when I'm at home and have nothing to do. I find it impossible to just chill. I usually get up and go for a walk just to get out of the house. It don't make me feel any better but at least I'm out of the house for an hour. 

It's like we're no longer comfortable in our own skin, after our bereavement. 

Hi Mark. It is so true what you say. I have just come back from a walk with the dog. Although it was nice to get out when you come back to an empty house it’s the same old s???. Another few hours and that’s another day done. 
Take care 

Mike