Overwhelming sense of loss .

Hi Newb

Yes your right, I can't get my rational head around this lost feeling. But I know only members of this group can understand us. It's something you just can't explain to someone who has not lost their spouse. I never ever thought I would one day by worrying about my mental health. It just never crossed my mind. 

Feeling utterly lost, feels irrational but I feel powerless in its grip. 

We have 2dogs both worshiped my wife  they wander around wondering what's happened they sit at the door waiting for her to come home I'm hoping they will soon cone to terms with it as it breaks my heart you can't explain it to then 

Hi Newb 

Having lost my wife then our dog, all my routine is shot to pieces apart from going to work. For those of you out there whom are alone in the house, how do you cope with the deafening silence every time you return home and unlock that door. How long does this torment last for, because its killing me. Our dog would have been some comfort and routine for me, but sadly she was old and had medical issues. My step grandsons keep asking me when mama and Milly are coming back from heaven. It breaks your heart. I can't imagine what it must be like for anyone to lose your spouse if you have young children as well. I couldn't begin to comprehend such a loss. 

My grandkids sent a balloon  with a card to granny it floated up and I told them man would read it when it got there 

Hi Mark,

Yes I know the desolation you feel two months after my husband died his cat, the one we  drove over a hundred miles to see and reserve at an adoption centre became seriously ill with kidney failure. 

When he went into the hospice for the last time she would come and cuddle up to me because he wasn't there and at night she would sleep in his chair. On that May bank holiday I had to go to the vet hospital to give permission to end her suffering and then take her body home. You do feel like can there be any end to this. I was lucky in the sense that we had two other younger cats and they sort of rallied round. But sometimes the pain can come back to bite even then, just over a year ago I lost the two younger ones the first went suddenly with kidney failure, its common in old cats, the second one who would sleep by my head developed lymphoma and I had to give her chemotherapy, but she couldn't tolerate the steroids and on a cold snowy day I had to go have her put to sleep and it still brings me to tears, so yes losing an animal you shared is like losing that person all over again.

D 

Hope you have been ok the last couple of days Mark.

This is why I think this site is a godsend when the likes of dead meat and other comment that have been on this journey longer than us. It does give us that bit of hope that eventually we can think of our loved ones without this utter pain stay strong that’s all we can all try and do. X

Oh wow, I have been reading through these posts, we're all at different stages, different people but everyones sadness runs throughout.

I lost my man to bastardy cancer on the 23rd of last month, we had been together for 2 years, didn't live together and he was only 56. I am glad I was with him when  he died and he got his choice to be at home when  he did, I'm struggling with some of the decisions that his family have made about arrangements "after" but have limited say and certainly no rights legally - I.e no service/non attended cremation and plans for a party (their words) but not till August BH for some reason. I have/will do what I can about those decisions I.e I attended my man's cremation,with my family and a couple of his close friends as he wasn't going without a "safe journey and I am trying to be civil and respectful of the family (his adult children mainly) during this time.

I live with my kids (a youngish adult and a teenager) tand pets. Kids are fab, my dog is so good for me as we often disappear on long walks, altho very reduced due to the heat and I have often wondered how things would be if anything happened to leave me dogless - add random dark thoughts to the grief process... I'm not back at work yet the thought of that right now,.do go down to half pay soon tho so plans need to be made.

Because we didn't live together maybe I feel the physical loss less, altho I was at his most days and with him in hospital and then his home, almost constantly during the last month. I struggle too without our hello and/or goodnight phone messages when we didn't see each other and the countless messages we would ping back & forward through the days. I struggle with not just popping over to his, or staying over there when my oldest was home with their younger sibling  and that he doesn't pop to mine or stay night's here any more, sometimes it's like I forget he's not here, then reality hits again...

I don't know what I'm trying to say, but felt I needed to write something, share my thoughts - and offload too maybe? I suppose it's up to us and only we can experience our loss and sadness in our own way, I guess there are no hard and fast rules, but when we can we should try and be kind to ourselves - eat that salad, achieve a bit of a walk in the park and let the tears come (I get that's a private thing but nowt to be ashamed of), remember our loved ones. And use sites like this to share our ups & downs, sadness, take and offer support to each other. XX

Hi kayteem I think deep down we all know we should eat well  and get on with life but that pain you get losing a loved one is so intense  just like you I miss all txts and cuddles and just laying in bed holding hands till you go to sleep yes this site is a godsend I think it helps to unload on here 

Hi Newb, please don't think I was suggesting things like getting on with life and eating well are easy/straightforward or even possible when you've lost the person you love  Getting out of bed or getting into bed is an achievement in itself. I was responding to some people's comments who said about times when they had achieved certain things in their day as I think it's important to acknowledge the "winning" of these battles in our so called normal lives. X

Hi Kayteem,

hope you are doing ok. I don’t think anyone in your comments have took it that we should all just do this or that. We all get what you was saying. 

Ive forced another salad down me today so I’m getting a bit better with this food lark  on saying that I had 2 cakes after it ha. 

My heart goes out to you not havin a say in your mans funeral arrangements. 

Ive had a bit of a ok day today not cried today just them horrible feelings in my stomach every so often. Soon as I got in from work yesterday I was just sobbing, so least today I’ve not cried. 

I hope you all have had a decent day hugs to you all Jane x