Overwhelming sense of loss .

Hi Mark, 

So sorry to hear that. You sound exactly the way I was last November although at that time I still had my Sister and Partner. I had hit rock bottom I was grieving for them even before they passed. Although I’m still grieving so bad now, I do feel I’m not in the grips of pure raw grief that I was back in November December time if that makes sense. So although I don’t feel it part of me as come a long way so far. I’m now sleeping back in our bedroom, I’m back at work, I’m eating even though it’s consist of crap. So maybe time is a healer. I’m doing things I thought I’d never be able to do like back at work also in our bed. I couldn’t of done that a few weeks ago. I don’t think anyone on here will ever get over losing there loved one but hopefully that raw grief will subside a bit for us. I really do hope this happens for you we’re you can wake up and the pains eased a bit for you, take each day at a time Mark that’s all we can do at the minute till we can gain some of our strength back x

Hi Jane, 

I to am eating crap. My wife did all the cooking and I don't know how other than to chuck some oven chips and a fish in. But I've only had the oven on 3 times, since she passed 6 month's ago. Sitting at the table eating alone is awful and I have to force myself. I tend to stick a ready meal in the microwave. There is no enjoyment in eating them either. I've only just getting used to walking around Aldi doing my little bit of shopping without her. That was awful at first. I still walk round in a daze. Whether at home or work or with family and friends, you feel like you're existing in a unreality. Watching the world carry on around you while you're suffering this torment is terrible, as the feeling of being totally /utterly lost is something that I can't escape from not even for a minute. I hate my job, but need it now for my sanity. It's the only slight distraction from the torment. One day at a time is a torment in its self and I can see how easy it would be to slip into depression. I hope I'm just suffering from grief and not on a slippery slope to depression. I need something to ease in the next few months. This functioning /existing is not living. Fingers crossed.

Mark. 

Hi Mark,

I think we all go through that just functioning/existing. I hope it is just the grief and not depression with you, its hard to tell the difference at times. Its my mans birthday this week so I am dreading that, I have eat good today though makes a change i've forced a salad down me. we can do this Mark we just have to try and ride out this part of grieving. None of us wanted it nut we have been dealt it

Hope you days been ok today hugs Jane x 

Hi Jane, 

You're right, it's also my wife's birthday next week. I to am dreading it. One of my wife's cousins (female) and my elderly neighbour (female) have both told me over past few days, that after 6 months I should be getting on with life now. I was gobsmacked and totally taken a back. I assumed women would be more understanding than men. If I could get over my loss after just 6 months, there would be something seriously wrong with me. I feel like I'm still at the beginning of this dreadful journey. I'm finding out now which family and friends are true and understanding. How about you.

Mark. 

Ohhhhh Mark, 

My man would always so I was very popular could make friends so easily. There was a couple he didn’t like he’d say they was jealous of me( God knows why) my phone would always be going of with friends texting or ringing. Now I have a handful it really does show you who your true friends are. I got rid of most of these negative people. 

Take no notice of these Two woman, also we all grieve in different ways plus everyone is different. I feel a bit ok now but this morning. I cried I didn’t want to get out of bed. I was looking at the empty space next to me. I cried making my dinner before I should of been doing his also. But right now I feel ok. Grief hits us out the blue all the time. My friend told me it took her a good 2 years before she could feel peace inside and feel happy again, my other friend took her a year. I think it’s just how we handle it and look at it. I meet a man who started in my place of work the other day he got talking he said he lost his wife 2 years ago he was a absolute mess even tried to take is own life that he’s ashamed of doing now. He thought he’d never get over the pain. He said he’s now with another lady and expecting a baby in a few months. He said he’d never thought he’d ever meet anyone again but he’s got is life back on track now. People deal with it in different ways x

Hi Jane, 

Good for him. I'm off to work in red hot factory at 10pm. This hot sticky weather makes me feel worse as we both don't like hot weather. I'll come home at 6 in the morning and it'll be to hot to sleep. I can't win. I hope I'm not grieving for 2 year's but only time will tell. It's a scary thought not knowing. Take care. 

Mark. 

Hopefully your not grieving that long, I hope i'm not also and everyone else on here, I used to work nights its a nightmare in this weather.

Hope your shift goes quick and you sleep well tomorrow 

Night Jane 

Hi Mark I know how you feel it's like living in a different world to everyone else you see couples walking together and ask yourself if only hope it gets easier for you I keep trying to get back into life but nothing seems to work 

Hi Mark,

I lost my husband at 51, that was eight years ago. I was lost for the first year, I kept going by doing the things I had done before and for me that hasn't changed. Yes neighbours and even family can be absolutely crass, some of my neighbours asked when I was going to go so that they could have a 'real' family. My family kept pointing out that I would be all by myself because we didn't have children, and even tasteless enough to suggest I go out and look for a decent man.

For quite a while after he had died I would see or hear something and think I must tell him, I even had moments when I'd say something as if he was still sitting by me. Time doesn't heal anything but it does put it into context and eventually your loved one will no longer hold all of your attention but will linger coming to life with good memories as well as the bad that are with you now but remember it will be in your time not some arbitrary limit set by someone else that wants the status quo to return.

D

Hi Dead meat

It's the feeling utterly lost is the worst of all to me. When you're other half is there, you can sit on sofa when you have nothing do but chill and chat. Just being together is enough. Now I can't relax during the day time, I just look out of the window and think what should I do now to fill the next hour. I cope better at night when it's dark and the TV is on. During the daytime waiting to go to work on Afters or finishing Day's at 2pm is awful. Trying to adjust to silence in our home is unbearable and I was comfortable being on my own when my wife was out and about. Now I struggle big time with it. Losing my wife then our dog has made being in the house seem pointless. I think to myself, what's the point of my life now. I guess everyone feels this at some point. I hope it's my grief talking though. Talking to you and everyone else on this group should give me hope.. Thanks duck