Young Adults who have lost a parent

Hi there,

I'm 28 and I lost my dad to a rare and aggressive cancer last February. I was very close with my dad (I have a relationship of sorts with my mum, but my dad had to cover both parental roles for me if I'm honest), and I went to him for everything, be it a problem, someone to talk to but also who supported me and made me smile every day. He was a wonderfully funny, kind and strong person, and I miss him terribly. 

I thought when he did pass away, that I was heartbroken and struggled for a few months, but thought I was doing okay and dealing with my grief. Fast forward to today, and I feel like it has hit me all over again. I have always had good and bad days (anniversaries, birthdays and Christmas for example) but managed to get through them with support from family and friends, but now I feel like I didn't actually grieve at all for the past 18 months, and I'm only just starting. I know it's a process that's never really 'finished' but I do feel like I haven't grieved at all and I'm only just starting. 

It's a huge comfort to read these posts and realise I'm not alone, and that it's okay to grieve, even if it has been delayed for whatever reason. But it does also make me so sad that there does seem to be very limited information and support out there for young adults who have lost parents. 

I'm going to my GP tomorrow to get some help, and have emailed Cruse aswell. But I'm just so exhausted and nearing burn out that I don't know which way to turn anymore, and I'm not sure what to do for the best. Ive come to the realisation I've kept myself so busy (buying a house, working full time, dealing with my own health issues etc etc) that maybe I've just been distracting myself without realising it, and now the grieving is actually starting. 

Has anyone else had this, where the grieving seems to be buried for so long and then you end up going through the process months or years later? I'm just scared as I know it's natural and I need to do it, but I thought I already had. I know it's something I'll never get over as such, but I didn't think it would hit me so hard for so long after over a year. 

So sorry for the rant. I've only just come to this realisation and needed to get it out. 

Thank you so much

Max xx

Hi max, 

I don't really have an answer or a solution to your problem but I just wanted to tell you that you're definitely not the only one who has felt like this. I've just turned 21 and lost my dad to cancer in April this year. I was in the last term of my final year in uni and getting prepared to graduate, I was in the middle of buying my first house with my boyfriend and was turning 21. I had so many life changing events happening that I could distract myself with them instead of properly grieving his death. Now that all of that has settled and its three months since his death, reality has set in and I feel completely drained. I'm tired all the time, not sleeping, fighting back tears constantly. But its a normal thing to do, its a way to. cope and I feel like as long as we can recognise that that is what we're doing, its perfectly okay and healthy. I hope everything went okay with the doctors and that you find all the support you need. 

B

X 

Hi Ben and everyone,

I'm 30 (only just!) so hopefully I can still count as young?! I just lost my dad last week, 6 days after diagnosis. I never thought I would have to deal with losing a parent at this age, and it makes me so sad that he never got to see me get married or have children. He'd have been an amazing grandad.

I live in Berkshire too, I think someone else said they did. I think the lack of groups is because it's more rare at this age, but there's support there for teenagers so why not for young adults.

For now let's all support each other on here :-)

Hi all

I lost my dad when I was 23 and my mother passed away this March. They were both aged 67. At 36 I never thought I'd not have either parents. 

It's so hard as none of my friends have lost parents and most still have grand parents too.

If any meet ups are arranged I'd love to talk to people that really understand this.

Much love xxxxx

Hi, my mum was diagnosed just 2 days after my 27th birthday. She managed 5 years but left me 3.5 weeks ago. Like others here, I am not married, no children and have a broken family so feel very alone. I feel the need to talk to others in the same situation as I don't have any friends that have been through anything remotely similar. I live in London so please add me to the list of any meet up. Christmas will be especially hard. Big hugs to all of you xx

The more I read this, the more I'm adamant I'm going to set up our own page and group.

Watch this space. Xxx

It's definitely a gap in the market as it were! I don't know a single person in my "real life" who has been orphaned at 28 so nobody can even begin to understand x

Hi, I've been reading through these threads. 

I'm so sorry that we're all here in this shitty situation

I'm 19 and I lost my mum on Wednesday the 22nd of this month.

I'm so gutted that I can't find anyone around my age to talk to about this as I don't really have anything. I've noticed that many people on macmillan who have lost a parent usually have a family of their own to preoccupy themselves with - whereas at this age it seems that our parents are all we have because we're still learning how to grow up...

I don't really know where I'm going with this, just wanted to share my thoughts 

Becky x

Hello BeckyG98 and All,

BeckyG98, reading your post I realised my mother died a day after yours on 23rd Nov. I am now orphaned at 32 and I have no family as : my father died in 2003 when I was 18, I am an only child, grandparents died before I was born/old enough to remember them and as for uncles and aunts, well.....

I have to confess that neither of my parents died of cancer but I hope you will still accept me on this platform as I'm completely orphaned and really don’t know how to go on. My father died in a car crash and my mother died of cardiac failure - both were there one day and gone the next. My brain just can't comprehend why this has happened and I am beginning to wonder whether I am paying for some evil I did in my previous life - I don't even believe in reincarnation.

I am really glad to have found this group as knowing there are more people like me out is somewhat comforting. I don't know anyone else in my situation hence no one I can relate to.  I noticed a few of you have tried to set up groups; although some as far back as 2014, I tried to find the group on meet but there was nothing. Is there a group out there that I don't know of, please let me know as I would really like to join. If not please lets set one up - there are quite a few of us out there and some within even within and around London - I'm in South East London and willing to set something up if a group does not exist yet. 

There are quite a few of us so why are we suffering alone ?

BenjaminH, Alisonbel, KatrinaUK, Fiona1, Tigger462, GStar, Liskey51, Tulip79, Vickii85 and all others where are you ??

KatrinaUK what happened to the orphanmeetup group ? Shall we set up another one ?

 Hoping to hear from you all.

Lots of Love X

SammyJoe.

Hello Alinsonbel,

First of all, how are you?

My response to your post is coming a few years late but I've only recently joined the club! I lost may father at age 18 and just last month I lost my mother at age 32. I didn't lose either to cancer but still now at 32 im an orphan with no brothers or sisters, grandparents, uncle or aunt -like yourself and some others on this platform I have literally no family and no one who really understands me or whom I can relate to.

I just would really like to meet all of you, what happened to the group ? Did you ever meet ?

Really hoping to hear from you.

Lots of Love,

SammyJoe.