Christmas without a loved one. Does it get easier?

This Christmas is a first for me …. My husband died in August this year 9 months after a diagnosis for bowel & oesophageal cancer …. 2 major ops and 2 x 6 weeks of chemo pre op & post op we were nearly at the end of treatment when there was a medical emergency and we suddenly found ourselves saying goodbye to him.It was a shock for us but I can’t imagine how it felt for you losing your husband so quickly. I am sorry he was taken so swiftly from you and you didn’t have time to prepare for what was to come. 

My daughter suggested doing something different for Christmas - so we are heading away and I suppose we’ll start to build new  memories together. I have mixed feelings about facing the new year - I definitely want to put 2025 behind me but moving into the future without my husband was not what I was expecting from life.
I Still feel a bit numb and sometimes wonder ‘how did we get here?’ The year of hospital visits seem so surreal I have to look back at photos to remind myself of the reality. 
I hope you have friends & family to get you through. I have found attending community activity a help - a couple of hours here and there and just keep accepting offers or invites - even if I’m not sure I really want to socialise.

i do think over time things will get easier - that’s what people say from experience- so hopefully we have that to reassure us.

Oh, bless your heart.

I'm so very sorry for your loss,  Grey Girl.

I can relate to many of the the things you have written. You sound so wise. I truly hope that you have good friends and loved ones around you. Please don't feel you have to pretend to everyone that you are over the sad passing of your dear husband. One or two loving, understanding hugs would make all the difference to your sense of isolation.

Sending you all my love and healing thoughts.

Penny xxx ️ 

Thank you for your kind words and thoughts. I have 2 hobby groups I go to but these stop over the holiday period. Some of the ladies in one group are also bereaved so we can understand if we are having a bad day or week...  

Thank you for your kindness. I suppose I try to cover up my feelings especially to my daughter and grandchildren. Maybe I should tell them how I'm really feeling and have a good cry on their shoulders but I worry about how they are feeling too and don't want to upset them more. I suppose that's what families are for though.

Im in my first year so I cant say if its gets easier but i do understand the notion of people thinking you should be over it. I hope there are better days ahead as these ones are pants. Im 2 months in, hubby had a rare sarcoma.

I know you may worry about children and grandchildren but be honest with them about how you feel. Sharing the grief together can be a release especially if you are close. 

I get the groups closing diwn over christmas too. Im worried about that gap between Christmas and new year when none of my groups are on and Im home alone. Im dreading it.

But it will come and go. We will survive because its what we do. 

Hugs to you. X

I hope next Christmas will be better for you. Please keep accepting invites to socialise. Try not to be alone too often. We all deal with grief differently. My first few months passed in a haze. I was numb at times. However, things changed and everything became real. That was when my grieving started with a vengeance.

It will take time for you. Your grief will come in stages. You may find you need more help as time goes on. Please ask and accept this help when you need it. I am assured that it becomes easier as time passes. 

Be assured I am thinking of you and all those who are missing a loved one for the first time at Christmas. 

I'm thinking of everyone who will be spending Christmas without a loved one for the first time. It will get easier but sometimes it gets more difficult first. I felt numb and disbelieving during my first few months then grief hit hard. Everyone is different. Grief affects everyone differently. 

When you are home alone please consider the phone numbers listed on this forum. Some are closed for a short period but others are open 24/7 if you need to talk. There is also support from everyone on this forum. Please use these resources as you feel you need to.

Hi Howdy22

So sorry to hear about your husband.

Sadly I lost my Partner of 21 years on September 10th to liver cancer. It was all so sudden after being diagnosed on 15th August. Prior to this we had been to the GP who prescribed antihistamines, then a few days later A & E who prescribed antibiotics for kidney infection. It was neither and on the third visit to A & E Roger was kept in, but only lasted another week in hospital he didn't even get on to the cancer ward, as he was between the General and Oncology departments. How I wish he had gone to the Doctor sooner, could have started treatment but my Partner wasn't one for Doctor's or hospitals.

As well as my grief, there is anger at the GP, hospital, myself - could I have done more, why did I not know? It has all been a blur for awhile. There was so much paperwork to deal with and I'm still trying to sort his private pension out.

Everything feels like a battle and the person you need to speak to is no longer here. At times, I have felt like my life is over, but we have our wonderful Son who is 20 and I have to go on for him. I feel like we have been robbed, all our plans for next year when my Partner officially retired have gone. 

Three months on, I am having counselling. I cry pretty much all the time, but has time goes on the gaps are wider. It is important to speak to friends and family. It is also important to cry and to make time for yourself. I am not afraid to say if I don't feel like going out etc. I now embrace the days when I feel better, but each day is different and you have to go along with it. Forums like this are brilliant to share feelings.

I started yoga last week and mentally I felt so much better but then I feel guilty for feeling better. I also keep a journal where I write down my feelings, write to my Partner etc.

I love the fact your doing something different with your Daughter for Christmas, like you say new memories and I wish you and your Daughter the very best for 2026. 

Thank you for your support and I’m sorry for what you are going through. I am at a similar point with admin and paperwork but every so often life takes over and I take a break from it. We had very traditional roles & so I have never budgeted or done household bills - steep learning curve! 
I also get feelings of ‘should I have pushed him sooner or checked things more regularly?’ but as long as he felt well he carried on. He was also just about to retire. 
You need to be kind to yourself and yoga is great for that. I’m sure Roger would want you to look after yourself so you should try and view it as a way of helping you heal after the shock of what has happened. 
We are away now and I’m feeling it was the right decision. 
We can always be here to support each other. Hope the next couple of weeks is not too upsetting. 
Best Wishes 

Oh, bless you, Roly.

Your post really touched me. I'm so very sorry for your devastating loss. What a terrible shock his passing must have been.

Sending you love and strength ... and lots of hugs xxx