Young Adults who have lost a parent

FormerMember over 11 years ago

118 replies
10 subscribers
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Hello guys and girls,

I am new to the site. Upon looking for help after losing my Mum I've noticed a lack of support groups for people who are around my age, 25, who have lost a parent to cancer. I know there are people in the same boat as me, so i wanted to reach out and find out if any of you guys had found somewhere to go to. There's my local McMillan support group but it's going to be people in their 40s/50s who have lost someone and they are at an different stage in their lives than I.

Would be great to hear from people.

Thanks,

Ben.

FormerMember over 11 years ago

Hi Ben I have been thinking the same thing. There isn't a lot around for this age group. I've found a lot of support on this website but I'd love something in the 'real world' too in terms of support groups. It's been the same for a long time- this lack of support for younger people. I lost my dad at 19 and I was very much alone. I'm now 28 and lost my mum in March. My local hospice does a support group but only people a lot older than me go and you are right, we are not in the same stage of life. If you have any luck finding anything could you let me know? Thanks Alison

FormerMember over 11 years ago in reply to FormerMember

There is literally nothing. It's either under 18 or all adults clumped together support groups, which is weird. There must be people in their early adult years, after 18, who have to deal with the loss of their parent and it's not the same to go down to your local bereavement group and talk with someone in their 30s, 40s, 50s who have lost a parent as they are in a different boat to you.

I am 25. I lost my only parent to lung cancer. I finished university last summer. I have a very weird family that is very broken in their relations with each other that goes back years and has continued into my generation. I haven't got kids. I haven't got a partner. It's completely different when you lose a parent at this age to when you lose one in your 40s 50s, which is a more frequent age when people lose their parents.

I'm looking for those similar to me as we can relate much more..

FormerMember over 11 years ago in reply to FormerMember

Hi Alison and Ben,

Sorry to hear of your loss.

I joined a local bereavement social group and was the youngest there by at least 20 + years. At first it felt a bit strange and wondered what could I have in common with these people who were so much older than me and vice versa.

I decided to stay and discovered that they really were a great bunch of people and we had a lot in common despite the age gap.

Grief and loss is the same no matter how old you are.

Wendy

FormerMember over 11 years ago in reply to FormerMember

Wendy, I agree that grief and loss is the same whatever age. However, those who are 20 plus older than you will have partners, and children. They will also be at a different stage in their lives where they can deal with things better or in a different way. It's more of a natural age to lose someone and I am sure a 40 year old person can relate with another 40 year old who has lost someone better than a 25 year old with a 40 year old.

FormerMember over 11 years ago in reply to FormerMember

Hi ben, i completely understand where you are coming from on this. Not meaning to diminish the grief of others as of course it is all really hard but here seems to be little support for our age group. I am 24, lost my mum in february. Like you i come from a separated family and my world fell apart. loads of lovely people and support on here but like you what i really wanted was some people that could understand the specific challenges of losing a parent as a young adult. I am not married and i di not have my own family to distract from the grief. instead i am approaching that part of my life where everything changes without my parent. If i ever get married i will not have a mother of the bride. My children will not even meet their nan. I will not have advice from her on his to raise them... worst thing about our situation is people categorise you with the people who have lost their parents in later life. But the truth is qe never got to experience our parents as themselves. As people rather than parents ... And that is a pleasure we will never know. if you do find support for this somewhere please let me know, as like you, i have had no luck.

FormerMember over 11 years ago in reply to FormerMember

Hey Em, I completely agree. My Mum missed my graduation, which was two years ago, and that still deeply upsets me. Like you, my Mum won't be there for all the important events in my life. Where are you from? Sounds like we are both in the same boat.

FormerMember over 11 years ago in reply to FormerMember

Also, not to diminish other people's grief, but when I've spoken to someone and they have lost one parent, but still have the other and say we're the same. No, we're not the same as I have 0 parents.

FormerMember over 11 years ago in reply to FormerMember

Hi Ben, Em and yellow daughter It just shows that there should be more for young adults who have lost parents especially young adult orphans. I have no brothers and sisters, my parents didn't have brothers or sisters and I have no grandparents. There is just me. No one in my family will be there is I have children or get married and graduate next year. You are right not many people understand this until they are an adult orphan and this tends not to happen to people until much later in life! We are of the age where people ask, when you settling down and having children? But I can't see doing that without my mum.. It's so hard to not have a family around for support. Alison

FormerMember over 11 years ago

Hi everyone. PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHEREABOUTS IN THE COUNTRY YOU ALL ARE... Believe me when I say I have complained to so many cancer and other bereavement organisations about this. I became an orphan at 34 after losing both parents to cancer and grandparents died before I was born and when I was a child (to cancer). I am not married and no children (although I would like to have children, it's difficult to imagine without mum being here to support me, and having no other support network). So I have no one and wanted to meet people of a similar age who had been through a similar experience. I complained to various organisations that their needs to be a support group for people in their 20's and 30's who have lost either one or both parents. I attended Beechwood Cancer Care in Stockport's support group and everyone was over 60 and had lost husbands and wives. Everyone was really friendly and welcoming but let's face it, they were all in a different stage of life to me, and it kind of upset me as one man told me he never goes out anymore after his wife died. He doesn't want to. That was his social highlight of the month, attending the support group. It just made me sad. Anyway, after various discussions with the nurses and staff at Beechwood, they agreed with me and said there needs to be a support group for people in their 20's and 30's and attempted to set one up. First I got excuses that they had no money for marketing. Then they did and they were going to start it in April. They said they tried their best to market it but they only got one other person interested. Sorry, but I don't think they tried hard enough... Anyway they agreed to try again, so now their target is to start it in September, but only if they get enough people interested....

FormerMember over 11 years ago in reply to FormerMember

Hi ben, i am from Berkshire. You? i have been working towards a particular qualification for 7 years and qualified last week and she wasn't here. It was my birthday in the weeks following her death too so it has been a lot to take in. i am sure i read on here once that if there is a group that you want to suggest you can... Maybe we should ask them to open a specific forum for bereaved family and friends group for young adults? That way people might not feel as alone and struggle to find others like us??

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