I don’t really know what I’m wanting to achieve from this post I just wanted to write down my feelings and see if anyone has any thoughts, similar stories or can relate.
With Christmas coming up I’m not really sure how to feel and how i actually feel right now. I lost my sister who was 38 to a brain tumour in September. She wasn’t just my sister but also my best friend and it still doesn’t feel like she’s really gone. I also gave birth to my second daughter in November and have a 3 year old at home who is very excited for Christmas and I want to be excited for her as well but I’m finding it hard to be festive at the moment.
We also suddenly lost my dad in January 2022 so it’s coming up to the 4th anniversary of that and my mum is really struggling with the grief of losing him but also now her child. I’m all she has left and I feel a responsibility to try and make her happy again but I have so much going on right now in my life to deal with I’m feeling guilty for not helping her enough.
My in laws always want to see us over the Christmas period too so come down to stay locally ever since my dad died as that’s when we had our first child so I feel like I always have to just get on with celebrating Christmas normally for them as they are visiting and don’t really understand how I’m feeling. They also always visit on my eldest daughters birthday which is over the anniversary of my dads death so I never really have quiet time to just process that without having to put on a normal front and just ‘get on with it’ to spend time with them as well.
Sorry for the long rant, I feel like such a Scrooge wishing the festive period over already and just wanting normality to resume so I can spend time with my own little family without the guilt of having to be there for others which sounds quite selfish but at the same time they’re only this little once and I want to spend time making happy memories with them
