My dad

Hi Tori1711 welcome to the forum and I am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved Dad.

Im not sure about the GP as it is still very early days for you and you are grieving and this can take a long time to actually process the death of your loved one and all that comes with that so its ok to feel as you do. There will come a day when you wont cry or you cry less than you had been but again its a process and there is no time limit on that.

Hi

I too am struggling with the loss of my dad and people have told me to make use of macmillan - they were so much help during his care.

so I came onto this group and saw your story at the top of the list - and it struck a chord straight away.

My Dad passed on 27th Sept, and has also been through a very long drawn out diagnosis. I live at one end of the country and the family live at the other, so I have spent the last few years travelling up and down, when I was allowed due to covid!
His passing in the end was fully expected and he was in a lot of pain and discomfort. People kept saying it would be a relief when he passed for everyone, but I found it was just like a switch which turned on the grief.  

He was not the same for the last few months, and all I can think of is those times.  I’m struggling to put together the happy memories.

I am struggling to put my thoughts in order, concentrate, support my mum - all I want to do is hide away in bed.

Knowing someone else is feeling similar does at least mean I’m not crazy!

Hello, I’m so sorry to read you have both lost your dads . I lost my lovely dad 5 years ago and I lost my mum from lung cancer on 23/09/21. I am devastated. She had been diagnosed only 5 months previously. Her funeral is next week. I’ve been crying but not as much as I would expect … I think it’s because I’m trying to get the funeral organised…. It’s like I’m keeping all my grief in a pot snd I can only take the lid off and have a peek but not to fully empty the pot.. it’s the Oct school holidays snd I’ve got to try snd function for my daughter too.. I’m a bit scared after the funeral and everything has died down that I will sink into a deep depression. … I work in healthcare snd I feel guilty that I should have listened to mum more about her pain . With lockdown too , I hardly saw her snd when I realised how munch pain she was in and she got investigated it was too late. If only we had acted on it the year before .  I have spoken about how I feel to a counsellor, but it makes no difference . My job is to diagnose patients and I feel I failed my mum . …. I just don’t feel I can go back to work into my job and be reminded of how I failed my mum on a daily basis …. I need to work so it’s an awful scary feeling . 
I think for yourself … it’s very early days . I think it takes many many months to make sense of it snd not be in disbelief. . . It’s just the worst feeling and I think if other people haven’t lost a loved one then they will never truely understand the devastation. Sending love . , 

what helps me a tiny bit is gearing my mum day in my head “ it can’t be helped love, I’ve had my life .. you go snd live yours “ I just know that’s what she would say ….. but god I miss her. I feel like I’ve been punched in the stomach . X

I feel your heartache!! 

my dad fell ill 2 months ago and we have been told today that he will be gone by the end of the year. I feel so numb, I knew in my heart it was coming by how ill he’s become so quickly. but it’s like I’m living in one of those sad channel 5 movies nothing around me at the moment seams real and I can’t believe what’s happening. I don’t know if I’m in denial or it hasn’t hit me yet. 
I really feel like I need to talk to someone about what’s going on I keep a lot to myself and keep my tears for when I’m alone. 

I hope you’ll be ok. 

Losing my mum on 30/9/21 I speak from experience my world heart and souls been ripped out she was my everything my advice to you sweetheart is get as many pictures of dad as you can with him and record his voice sounds weird me saying this but you will find comfort when the time comes trust me I can’t listen yet to mums voice I can barely talk about her without crumbling but it’s the best thing o did I wrote my story of my mum above so if you have a read your see how hard it’s been but cherish every day and spend good quality time together that’s the best advice I can give you here if u want to chat x

Hi lovely, 

My dad was diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer with secondaries in his liver and lungs. He was diagnosed in Oct 19 and he was given 2 years at the most so he has done amazing.

3 weeks ago I had to call 999 as he was really confused, taken too much of his morphine and was in a mess with his colostomy bag etc and I live 3 hours away.

He was discharged yesterday morning and I've had to ring 999 again this afternoon as he txt me saying he wants to die, he's in too much pain, he's confused, he just wants to sleep and never wake up, his legs won't work, it's like since he went into hospital he has given up.

He thinks at his next appointment his oncology consultant is going to stop all chemo due to it not working anymore. 

Basically I am absolutely terrified of losing my dad I thought I had done alot of grieving over the thought of losing but I feel so much worse than that all over again. I'm the closest person to him and I just want to hold him tight and cure him its breaking me.

Would you like to talk about our stories off of here? I have only just joined this website so not sure how it works. 

Anyone else reading this if you have any advice or want to talk please let me know. 

Thank you

The feeling of the switch is also what I’m feeling and completely agree of my dad also not being the same for the last months of his life. Although he’s not on this earth i try to sit in his bedroom and talk to him. 

I hate the fact I’ll never be able to have a chat with him again. He wasn’t living his life towards the ending, he wasn’t doing things he enjoyed, he was existing. It makes me so sad as I was in denial for so long that he’d gone downhill. I struggled so much towards the end. I will always feel guilty for not spending enough time with him. 

my dad told me that he was fed up and it kinda made me think that he held on for so long for me, it honestly breaks my heart. I just miss him so much and the pain just isn’t going away. 

I hope you are okay and sending my love x

If you need to talk we are here for you, I felt like I’ve struggled so much because I’ve honestly felt no one around me honestly knows how I feel. It will be both denial and it hasn’t hit you yet, I was in your position. I’m sorry that this disease is so cruel. xX

Hi lovely

my dad too was in hospital twice before he died due to build up of fluid in his stomach. He was in a specialist cancer hospital where he usually received his treatment and came out okay. The second time he went in was our local hospital, he had declined so fast after only being in there two weeks, my dad definitely gave up after that second hospital visit. Although it didn’t help as they had found a blot clot on his lung also, but a nurse who was fitting his new drainage said they normally only fitted these types of drains to people so they could go home and die.
my heart broke for him as I just don’t understand how a health care professional could possibly say something like that. 
my dad had decided at the beginning of September he no longer wanted any treatment and it declined from there. 

please take care of yourself, although we want to constantly look after our families, which I did with my dad, e.g every hospital appointment every chemotherapy every radiation, I pray they don’t and continue with chemotherapy. However accept any feelings that your dad is feeling whether he wants to carry on or not. Sometimes the quality of life takes over the quantity. 

your mental health matters, speaking from experience mine has declined so fast and I know full well my dad wouldn’t want me to be like this x

my prayers are with you through such a difficult time x

Hi my love same I’ve not long joined I would be happy to chat off the site not sure how we swap numbers but it’s an awful time and one thing your dad shouldn’t be feeling is pain and I would if I was you get the numbers of the people involved as I had my mum from time we found out till the end with me at my house as she was lonely and scared when they told her and I said I’d give up life style break while she was alive from work then when ready go back and I’m still not ready I’m as bad as the day she passed I miss her dearly every day and there’s nothing I did better than get pictures and videos of her voice however the pains to unbearable to view them but I know I have them I feel for you honestly mum didn’t actually fully think her life would end bless her heart I convinced her that we would cure it like we did before and she was just needing to get her strength up whether deep down she knew but she was pain free I made sure of that as I administered the drugs I had a lot of them daily and added call out nurses to inject and visit daily but it’s so hard upsetting and worrying as your so far away and that’s awful try and get your number to me and I’ll speak to you for now there’s nothing I can say apart from get hold of his doctors or who has your dad in there care and express his feelings to them stay in touch and good to meet you sending love and hugs x