Feel bitter all the time.

You sounds like you have depression. The grief can often lead to this. When my mum died i needed to take medication to cope with the feelings. Ive since come off them but it really helped me get through. Id speak to your doctor . 

Ash171,  We can never know how we will respond to the loss of a loved person - sometimes we are true to type and at other times it can feel like we are strangers to ourselves.  It is still early days for you and you will have a lot of different feelings but the most uncomfortable feeling is anger and often there is nowhere safe or without consequence to take that anger.

My lovely partner of 27 years died only 7 weeks after becoming ill and diagnosed.  For the first 6 months I could not listen to music or watch my favourite programs or be around people and noise.  I had to make myself go to work and keep my hobbies going and see friends a couple of times a month.  The biggest effort was getting ready and leaving the house.  Once I was out I was mainly okay but stepping over the threshold into the outside world felt like a massive, unwanted step.

At around 6 months one of my special friends had me to stay in her home abroad and she looked after me really well for the whole month.  We had quiet times together at home and she showed me her country which was new to me.   I was exhausted from the previous 6 months and I fell asleep a lot even when she was talking to me.  She was so very patient and caring.  It was a really nourishing time for me and I will be forever grateful to her for her kind thoughtfulness.

I hope you can find some place where you can just be whatever your self is at the time.  If you have turned into a grumpy hermit for the time being let those who care for you know you need time to come to terms with the loss of your dad and hope, in time, to be more the person they knew before your loss.

Hi Ash171,

It has been a bit longer for me, Mum died in January, but I can relate.

I have felt this flatness and a sort of pointlessness to most normal activities. 

A bit of an odd observation, but my colleague was describing how she felt In the heatwave- Unmotivated, brain not working properly and irritable. I thought, that's exactly how I have felt alot of the time since my mum died. How weird.