Struggling 18 months on

Hi 

I lost my husband 16 months ago to prostate cancer, but it went to his bladder and liver. I too seem to be coping less well. I kept very busy but become less sociable. Now I am just exhausted from everything, hate plans and don't feel joy in the things I used to. It gets harder and more lonely as people think you should be getting over it. 

I'm really sorry for you and losing 2 dogs is very hard. That must have been the final straw for you. I hope you have some understanding friends and family who can support you.

I find some time doing something creative on my own is distracting and calming. We are different people now and have to find a way to live as this new person. Its rubbish I know but hopefully slowly slowly we will get stronger again. 

Take care of yourself. 

Thank you for the message.   That’s exactly how I feel.  Glad to hear I’m not just going mad.  Have signed up for a rag rug course.  I’m hoping that will help 

Sounds perfect! And you are not going mad. It’s hard.
After replying to you I realised I should practice what I preach so I am going to finish a jumper I started. So thank you too. Enjoy your course

Lesley2, I have just seen your post.  Your husband had a terrible experience which sounds most uncomfortable for him and this will likely weigh heavily on you.  He is at peace but you are not.

Just over 2 years ago I lost my lovely partner of 27 years to gall bladder cancer - he was quite well then suddenly became ill and died 7 weeks later.

I did not really know what kind of journey I was on while it was happening but looking back, for the first 6 months I think I was in shock and just putting one foot in front of the other every day because I had to.  A very dear friend had me stay in her house abroad for a month and she looked after me so beautifully - in between nice meals and sight-seeing I slept a lot, even falling asleep when she was talking to me and this exhaustion continued for another few months.

In the second year I had bursts of energy and bursts of tiredness - each arriving without warning and looking back, it felt like a more bleak time than the first year.

I am now 3 months into the third year and it is just dawning on me that this new life of mine is forever - it has hit me like a brick so although I am not as tired, I have to make much more effort to enjoy the things that I find enjoyable and I have to make myself spend time with friends because it is good for me.  I am a sociable person but since my partner died I have become a hermit in comparison - a lot of ordinary things seem to take so much more effort.

I have been surprised by the people who have supported me - they were not always those closest to me and I have made some really lovely new friendships from previous acquaintances.  Maybe when I feel better my closer friendships will resume but I accept not everyone knows what to do when we are not our usual selves.

Those of us who have lost special loved ones will have our own pathways to the rest of our lives but it definitely is not easy.  Take care, rest when you can, do nice things when you can, accept help from anyone who offers it and be open to some of your usual self returning when you are ready.  Christine