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I think it's fair to say that with just one day left at work, I'm ready to let go. Mentally I've very little room for any more. I've been carrying cancer, a project, a team of nearly 20 and the various emotional needs of the people around me since I got cancer, for 3 and a half months. Now I know I'm just 1 day at work away from going off for some time and starting radiotherapy I can feel myself losing grasp of my normal, albeit gobby, reasonable manner.
I'm finding it increasingly...
Two more days at work to go. I'm all out of steam because my head's done in and I'm exhausted but I'm hanging on. I'm on annual leave all next week anyway so aside from Peak District-ing, seeing a couple of friends and a whole heap of hospital appointments/radiotherapy, I'll be doing some serious hardcore sleeping! Still can't get over how tired I am ALLLLLL the time. I'm 26 years old and I'm in my jarmies and having a nap straight after work just to keep me up long enough to smile at Hairy, call...
I know I've said it before but if dreams have any true reflection on a person's mental state, I fear it may already be too late for me. I woke this morning with I guess an over due panic attack. Had I thought I'd found yet another blasted tumour I might even have forgiven my brain for choosing for us to start the day in such an undignified manner but do you know what I was dreaming of when this panic attack arrived? Was it cancer? Murder even? Nope! I woke up, panic attacking up to the eye balls...
So here goes nothing...
On November 26th 2013, my Mom and Step Dads Wedding Anniversary and also the Anniversary of my Great Nans death (She passed before I was born), my mom was dealt the devastating blow that she had Cancer.
We were told the primary Cancer was Lung, but that it had spread to the Lymph Node and they were querying other areas.
Seven months later, we are still not really sure. They are unsure if it is in my moms adrenal gland, which would make her incurable. We are waiting for...
Well even after it being 20 years clear from ALL, I still have things that I am trying to resolve, mainly about appearance and confidence in what I look like.
I guess the main issue is that following 'precautionary' cranial radiotherapy, the hair on the top of my head has never really grown back, just the same as my eyebrows.
These things really do make feel very self conscious about what I look like when I am meeting people, or going for a job interview. With the job thing, I know people...
Had my pre op today. every thing was fine except for blood pressure. 185/140. I need to get this sorted. I will make an appointment tomorrow to see my doctor. I could never understand why my medication for blood pressure was stopped. I was told It was because of the problem with my kidneys. my GP told me that my kidneys were causing the blood pressure and the blood pressure was affecting my kidneys It was a vicious circle but the medication helped to keep my blood pressure down maybe when I see my...
Things have been on the tad random side over the last three months and I suppose it goes to show no matter what hand you're dealt in life, there's always a move to make and always a bright side if you're willing to look for it. Who'd have thought three months ago I'd be looking for lingerie for a man I've never even met. Clearly I foster the best type of relationships (no joke)! Yep, I'm now THAT kinda girl ;)
I'm in much brighter spirits today, not least because I've...
I seem to have developed mild OCD since going in. Having spent 11 days only really having control of what went where on my bedside tray I now seem to be obsessed with lining stuff up and keeping things straight. ( I am not a tidy person usually !) The lump and bruise on my arm still quite sore and took my hospital socks off as the inside of my right knee was feeling a bit numb, and still is. Don't know if that was where the 'femeral?' line in was, when they removed that there was ALOT of bruising...
