R.I.P. My beloved, lovely, dear old Dad

Oh darling Sparkles how I wish I could hug you and let you cry yourself to sleep.  Your Daddy knew how much you loved him and will always love him and I think he waited until you had all gone home so you would not have to go through the trauma of watching him pass away.

I have just lost my darling youngest brother to to this heartless, cruel disease called Cancer and I too can only see the pain, anger, frustration and mental anguish that he went through.  I am told these memories will fade in time so I can only say the same to you and tell you that time will heal your pain.  I too will be waiting for the morning when we can wake up and the pain has subsided a little and that is the starting point for healing.  Eventually we will both wake up and although our lives will never be the same again, we will not hurt and we will remember our loved ones with smiles rather than the tears we are crying now.

You are in my thoughts and I am sending you strength to see you through the dark days leading up to the celebration of your Dad's life and the emptiness you will feel after it.

I hope with all my heart that you find comfort in remembering the good times.

Much love,

Nin xxxx

I'd just stopped crying, you have set me off again!!!  The way you have written it is beautiful!!!  Massive Massive Hugs!!!

No man on Earth can ever come close to our daddies.  And to feel such heartache and grief means you got one of the awesome ones, because not everyone is lucky enough to get such a fantastic bond... and after a month of being without my daddy, I still feel my bond with him is as strong as ever <3

Once again, really really big hugs.  I'm always here for a chat! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Nin thank you for your thoughts and sympathy....I have followed your story with Gordy also and know how very much you loved him and did for him.  I do hope you are right that my Dad chose to go when I was not there....it tears me apart I was so nearly there....I dread to think he passed thinking none of his family were round him....that thought kills me.  XXXX

Vixy thank you for writing and for the lovely compliments....strangely enough I had read your posts/blog earlier today but had thought from what you'd written (sadly I misunderstood) that your Dad had not yet died....I am so sorry that was not the case. You are absolutely right - we are for sure very lucky in having the lovely daddies we have had.  No man has ever come close to comparing to my Dad and I don't think they ever will.  Who can match the love of a devoted Father to his daughter....?  No one I think.  I am so sorry you are left without your Daddy too...and thank you for the hugs....I think I need them right now.  XXXXX

Dear sparkles

I feel for you after loosing your dad. I lost my dad over 20 years ago. He had a ruptured aorta, the last thing he said to me was ' I am fine go and look after the boys'. He seemed fine at the time so I did come home to pick up the lads from school but as I got in to my house the phone was ringing and it was the hospital to say he had been taken to theatre for emergency surgery. He never survived the surgery and I never got to say goodbye to him.

But then last year our three boys were with their dad [my husband] in the very last seconds of his life with us and I dont know if its a good or a bad thing as I think it is playing on their minds all the time.

I think sometimes that it might have been better if they had not witnessed the very end. I dont know.

Sending you strength

love jmd xxxx

Thank you for sharing that with me jmd....it does put another dimension to it....I had read all these 'magical' experiences of people being with their loved ones and writing about how peaceful and wonderful it was....how they felt their loved one pass over or felt some wonderful feeling.  However, with what you say - perhaps that is not always the case then....? 

I think it's one of those 'Hobson's Choice' (hmmmm not sure that's the right phrase!) issues....one where there is no ideal situation....apart from loved ones never dying of course!

I am so sorry for both of your losses though....so sad that you never got chance to say goodbye to your Dad and so sad that you had to say goodbye to your husband.  Mind you, given the choice and what my Dad went through...I would have chosen a thousand times for him to go suddenly and quickly than in the long, slow way he did.  But then 'hindsight' is a valuable tool isn't it....but never available at the moment it's needed.

But yet in light of your words yes....perhaps....if I had been there at that moment - I might now be wishing I had not been....?  I will of course never know for sure - but I do like to imagine that maybe my Dad 'chose' not to have me there at the moment he died....to save me the pain....although now of course I have another type of pain....no easy answer sometimes is there sigh?

Thank you though for taking the time to write.  XXXXX