After he has gone.......

I am managing to work slightly longer hours this week, I feel an overwhelming tiredness around 11am but find a strong cup of coffee helps with this. I find life is following a sort of pattern looking a bit too normal for my liking and I'm terrified of just feeling like I am only just coping all the time. I like to talk about my husband, he was only my husband for 23 days but we were together for years never really factoring…

Today I cannot believe how I have got to day 31, feels like yesterday albeit in a slightly altered way. I miss the coming home to a cup of tea ready for me and someone who wants to hear all about my day not just listening because they feel like they have to. I hate waking up alone without Doug there to put his arms round me and say good morning....I dislike explaining why I look flipping miserable most of the time but…

Thank goodness the weekend is over, I find them difficult. Had to drag myself to get my hair cut on Saturday as it was long overdue. I am trying to find new things to do but that is hard work also, today I am going to visit colleagues at one of my two jobs to see if a return is likely next week. My other job I have been going in for a couple of hours a few days last week to see how that feels, I am lucky I can do this…

This blog seems to be helping me, writing down exactly how I feel seems to let me lift a little once it's out of my head! Yesterday was 7 weeks since we got married on valentines day and tomorrow will be 4 weeks since my darling husband passed away, isn't it funny how time is measured in weeks, not so long ago it was days, before that hours... I look at photos of us and our family every day and I find this makes me smile…

Funny day today, a guy I work with has a new baby in his life and this has helped take the focus off me a little at work which I like, I'm not a natural at being the subject of attention. I'm managing to go to work for a couple of hours in the morning before an overwhelming tiredness hits me about 11am and I have to leave, I try not to return straight home as there is no real reason to be at home apart from feed the cat…