After he has gone.......

Worst day of the week by a mile now is Sunday. Families everywhere especially when we get a bit of sun, couples strolling holding hands....makes me want to scream sometimes! Saw a friend yesterday who spent some considerable time moaning about her partner and how much he didn't do around the house.....if only that was all I had to worry about. I did tell her to count her blessings, stop arguing and get on with living…

Stuck in the middle of funeral arrangements for Dad! This is so painful as mom is not coping at all and is trying to have the same arrangements I did for Doug. I keep explaining to her that Dad and Doug were totally different and slowly she is thinking about music, poems etc.....this hurts a lot as losing two people I adore in 6 weeks is too much. My doctor has signed me off sick for three weeks but really how am I…

Just when life could not get any worse and I thought I could not be in more pain my dad died today. I cannot cope with more grief and i cannot go through another funeral only 3 short weeks after my husbands funeral. How e hell do I begin to support my mother and children when my support died 5 weeks and 6 days ago?? Who will support me? I am really frightened tonight as I cant cope on any level and if it wasnt for my…

Here I am 39 days later and I feel that everyone is expecting me to get back to normal now, back to working the two jobs i have with no one understanding that most of the time i feel wiped out. I don't feel that i can just plod on like nothing has happened and i am learning to do what i want not what other people think i want. Days are long as i wake early and i dont sleep well at night, coupled with the quiet of the…

Weekends I now dislike, today I have spent most of the day in tears, don't know why I just feel very alone today. Saturdays were always our day to do a bit of retail therapy, lunch out and come home to relax for the afternoon as usually we would have been out on a Friday night. I keep reminding myself that I have very supportive friends but its not the same is it! How on earth people move forward from here is beyond me…