After he has gone.......

Fathers day, a first for me as dad passed 9 weeks ago. No one to take a card too or hunt round for a pressie that he probably didn't need, feels odd. Saw counsellor on friday, didn't find this session as useful as I couldn't seem to explain properly that I feel like Im on a merrygoround with no way off. Still angry at the world particularly Doug's family as they do not bother with me unless they want something...everything…

Totally strange week this week. Last weekend I took my youngest daughter to Iceland for a belated 18th birthday present as this year she was totally overlooked for obvious reasons. It was very hard travelling, not that I haven't travelled alone before but the realisation that when I get home I have no one to share my experiences with. That one person who knew me inside out is not here any more. The thought of this has…

Cannot believe that yesterday marked three months since Doug's passing, most of it spent in a fog. Thursday saw me and my two girls scatter some of his ashes in the garden of remembrance under a beautiful cherry blossom tree. Very emotional but we did this as my eldest daughter wanted somewhere to go and remember him on her own and when she chose, she didn't feel that the memorial I have in our garden was for her. I am…

I went to my first counselling session yesterday. I did think I was referred too early by my GP and so did the counsellor. It was nice to find out that I am completely normal and still in the very first stages of shock after Doug's death. One thing that did help was her likening my topsy turvey world to having fallen off the top of a hill, a very nice hill where Doug and I were together, into a dark deep valley on my…

Today it is nine weeks since Doug passed away and tomorrow would have been his 53rd birthday. I have bought him a card because it felt right to do so. I shall sit by the olive tree in the garden planted in his memory and I plan to scatter some of his ashes around the tree, have a coffee and hopefully the sun will shine. None of his family have been in touch and I dont expect them to, they hardly bothered with him…