Fathers day, a first for me as dad passed 9 weeks ago. No one to take a card too or hunt round for a pressie that he probably didn't need, feels odd. Saw counsellor on friday, didn't find this session as useful as I couldn't seem to explain properly that I feel like Im on a merrygoround with no way off. Still angry at the world particularly Doug's family as they do not bother with me unless they want something...everything boils down to money unfortunately. Woke this morning after a fitful night, seem to be back to jumping awake in the night, had an awful nightmare where Doug was leaving me for someone else, this has no reason to it at all. I think I'm jumpy and restless as a copy of the post mortem arrived yesterday and its not pleasant reading at all. My poor man didn't stand a chance against the tumour that was so aggressive, I wish we had more time. My counsellor has suggested I write letters to Doug to say all that I never had the chance to, all I really want is him to come home now.
