Back in 2017 i was diagnosed with a Pleomorphic Grade 3 Sarcoma in the upper thigh.
back then it almost killed me. one point i was given 5 days to live.
they took a 1.2kg tumor out of my leg, all the muscle from the left side of my thigh, 60% of the rest of the muscle groups were removed.
back then i had Experimental Radiotherapy to deal with what was left..
i can rattle this stuff off about what happened back then as it was all past tense..
i got through it. i battled the demons. learnt to walk again, learnt to drive a manual car again. had issues with falling over and a lack of strength.
But i kept a watch out for lumps, pains in places i wasnt expecting.
several times i had been back to UCLH for scans. all of them negative..
Which is what we all want.. it hasnt moved, it hasnt come back.
My left ankle has had a Ulcer since 2017 that refuses to heal up. so the GP keeps an eye on it.
a few weeks ago during a dressing change the nurse asked if i had any pain anywhere else in my lower leg.
i pointed her to a dull pain just above the calf muscle.
3 new freckles have appeared, and almost in the middle, a lump under the skin.
It could be anything... i know my leg is bad. could be a varicose vein.. so i went for a Ultrasound...
Not a fatty lump, Not a sist. and it appears to be slightly above the muscle, not in the skin, but attached to the main vein with a tail.
my Heart sank... i had seen this before.. when you watch the radiographers facial expressions change as they ask for a hand with the imaging, i have seen this before.
very quickly i got a call after the scan that they are concerned about what they have found and have put me on the "Cancer Pathway".
I bypassed that and called UCLH and my Oncology team.. within 24 hours they had setup a CT scan, the following day i got a call and they had an appointment for the following day.
im now sat waiting for the results of that..
but seeing my medical records again with the words "Sarcoma" sends shivers through my body.
people keep telling me not to worry... its hard not to worry.
If its back like it feels it is, then where else has it gone? Pains and lumps in various places all over my body that werent there a few months ago.
its the waiting bit that does it. and i know ULCH know their stuff. but the two week thing for a test, then results that go to the MDT on the friday meeting and then i get told after the weekend from that.... its a lot to sit around waiting for.
Im trying to keep my spirits up. playing online games, keeping mostly busy with stuff.
but im positive this lump is growing.. not as much as the last one, that thing went from the size of a pea to the size of a bag of flour in 3 months.
the pain from that almost killed me.. it was a dark dark place back then. i dont really want to go back through that.
having fun with getting medication through my GP so that doesnt help either. they took me off my fizzy co-codamol tablets that i have been on for other things for the past 18 years, and put me on melting Tramadol tablets. but its a big difference in how they effect me. and going from having a months supply of one, to suddenly only being given enough for 12 days each time and it takes 7 days to reorder and i have ran out and they just dont seem to get IM IN BLOODY PAIN.... (sorry)...
the Mental health part of all this is the one bit im really shit at. weirdly typing it all out like im speaking or dictating it helps. even if trying to read the screen through a flood of tears is annoying..
