Getting through the week, then what....

Dear Kaz121

yes you are normal! At least in my experience! I too went into surgery very sacred and only got the confirmation that what was ‘going on in my liver’ was a large collection of abnormal blood vessels less than 24hrs before surgery. It all felt very dramatic the words used by the consult at the Marsden Hosp were(we’ve stood the liver team down). I ended up describing my thoughts as coming from 2 parts of my brain. My normal logical part and then the out of control naughty brain. Which seemed to operate separately and all the time. On one occasion I was looking out at my garden looking forward to seeing the blossoms due to come out a short while later and naughty brain piped up with the thought I wouldn’t live to see it! On another occasion I woke up in the night having named and worked out how many friends I’d lost  to cancer. None of this was helpful and it’s impossible to control. Naughty brain still occasionally reappears if for instance a cough lasts a bit longer than I reckon it should and at other times for instance before follow up appointments. I really hope your scans are ok and that your surgery goes well and you get back to work after 6 weeks. Take that time to recover physically and begin to put naughty brain in its less dominant place! 

Best wishes from Janetyjane 

Thank you JanetyJane. Certainly naughty brain. Woke up Saturday night checking every inch of my body for aches and pains, then argued with myself for over 1 hour how I can't have this I'm healthy, then the dread comes back and all the thoughts of what I won't see in the future, what I'll miss out on, all the people I will hurt with this. I'm trying to appreciate all the beauty of spring and then wham, the brain tells me to make the most of it.

Thank you for your kind words and for sharing, it does help Xx