It’s that time again….arrgghhhh!!!

That is such a perfect description of how I feel every day. It's impossible to describe these feelings to anyone who has not been through this. 

Hoping Friday goes well. 

Phew, I’m glad it’s not just me. I couldn’t say this to anyone, without them thinking I’ve lost the plot or I’m just plain nasty! No one could understand unless in this situation. 

Its a very lonely place to be  

Thank you. 
x

Goodness, i found myself thinking about my funeral hymns the other day too.  I was really fed up with the bother of having to work out the funeral stuff and death certificates, etc so that it wouldn't be a big hassle for the rest of the family.  And then i suddenly decided that what happens after i'm dead is NOT my problem and that i wasn't going to take responsibility for it!  It was a very pleasing decision :-).  When do you get your results?  Mine are tomorrow and I've been taking it as a big challenge not to get wound up about it.  Well see how well i cope tomorrow...

I’ve chosen songs I like, but my family should know things like that already,  I just keep trying to plan everything, finances, bank account details, but I’ve already done all this but keep looking to see if I can do more to help everyone . I know you’re right., but it keeps me busy, but I know I’ve done it all, and need to let them do the rest when needed. 
Good luck with results.   

xxx

xxx

Well my scan was rubbish!  My 3 small lung mets are now a 5cm recurrence of my primary, 4 small lung mets, a little liver met and 2 spinal mets.i can't see I'm going to wriggle out of this so starting chemo during the next month to try to delay the inevitable.  Oncologist thinks that a couple of rounds of chemo could possibly give me eighteen months.  I'm rather nervous about chemo but obviously going to give it a go.  Jane - please deliver some good news today!!!

I’m so sorry to hear that Jinny. You must be in shock. 
I have 3 lung mets too, or maybe more now, as need to see what scan has shown today. 
I almost don’t want to know, I just can’t handle all this. 
Was your primary in your pelvis too? That’s where mine grew back, same area, just had radiotherapy to try and shrink it. 
Its all just hideous isn’t it 

I hope you have some good support 

xx

Ah, i thought it was your follow up appointment today.  Yes, I've lots of support as we have four children and are all very close - though one of the boys lives in Australia now.   Yes, my primary was between my rectum and my spine.  I think the new one is on the outside of my uterus.  I think it's making everything prolapse so it's becoming a bit uncomfortable - hence I'm very interested to hear about radiation to shrink it.  Has the radiotherapy been very unpleasant?  When is your appointment?  I kind of find it easier to just assume the worst case scenario.  To date that seems to have been pretty appropriate but I'm hoping that one day I'll have a pleasant surprise!  I hope you manage to escape the shadow a bit over the vank holiday weekend xxx

Lol Bank hol weekend :-)

My follow up is next Thursday , but I can’t see how all the results will be back by then. 
Ah ok. Mine was in my uterus, disguising itself as a fibroid for three years. 
So, the tumour is making everything prolapse? 
Have they offered radiotherapy?

I had half the radiotherapy dosage, that can be given, and can honestly say that I hardly had any side effects, just my tummy, was pretty bad one night, diarrhoea, and couldn’t keep off loo. 
I know what you mean , I get fed up with people telling me to be positive, the only times I tried to, I got the worst  news!

Thank you. You too 

Xxx