My dad has advanced prostate cancer

My dad has too. He's already on some hormone tabs and going to start injections in a couple of weeks. Then Radiotherapy after xmas. He seems glad that he has a diagnosis. Has had some peculiar things going on the last few years with no answers. He's happy with the treatment plan. The Doctor said, 'we'll cure this!' So he's very optimistic.

I'm a bit concerned how he'll cope with more drugs and in particular the radiotherapy. Daily trips from where he lives is a lot for him and my step mum in their late 70s. My brother has offered to help but works full time. My work time is flexible but my husband is about to start immunotherapy treatment for skin cancer that's spread to the lungs and no one knows how that's going to go so we'll just have to see.

I think, like we keep being told in here, we'll fall into some kind of rythmn as things progress. We're very much encouraging our children to carry on with their lives.

Hello Squeak 

A warm welcome to the online Prostate forum - I know you aren't new to cancer or Macmillan's but never the less I am so sorry to find you here.

I know you had most of your questions answered by our "Ask a Nurse" forum but if there is anything else you need to know - however trivial please feel free to ask.

The best bit of advice I can give you for dad at present is both Hormone therapy and Radiotherapy have side effects - we don't get them all - but we do all suffer from fatigue, so try and keep him as fit as you can.

Can I ask you to join our little group - the link is here:

Prostate cancer forum 

Regarding the trips for Radiotherapy, once dad gets his letter for the Radiotherapy planning scan - depending on where you live it may be possible to arrange transport or accommodation once his dates are sorted. 

Best wishes - Brian.

Hello Rtb

I'm so sorry to hear of your Dad's diagnosis. Perhaps, in time, he might like to join this forum where he will find a tremendous lot of support and information?

My husband and I are in our 70s and the daily drive to the radiotherapy was really tiring. As parking at the hospital was such a problem, I used to drive him there, drop him off and then go to a nearby supermarket to park. He would call me when he was ready to be picked up. This was in February when the weather is grotty and the roads can be dodgy. I had to drive on country lanes and then right through the city centre. Bt the end of week 2 I was on my knees....

and then, my daughter arrived on the doorstep one morning just as we about to leave. I asked her why she was here and not at work and her words were, 'No ifs and buts, I'm taking Dad today.' I started to protest when she said, 'I'm not listening to any arguments. I'm taking him and I shall be taking him every day next week. I'm leaving my daughter with you so that you have company!'. With that she bundled our granddaughter into the house and my husband into the car and off they went!

She was an absolute life saver and my granddaughter , on school half term, was great company and our grandson also stayed with me on some days!!! 

Our other daughter, who lives further away, had a box of 'treats' delivered to my husband in time for the start of radiotherapy. Our sons, one in another country, and one living further away, made regular contact throughout. 

All 4 of them, in their own way gave us the support we so very much needed. Perhaps some of our story might help you decide how to best support your own parents?

I wish you, your father and your family all the very best over the coming months.

Hi Rtb, My husband was diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer in March he is on triplet treatment and finished the chemo 3 weeks ago if you read my bio you will see how well the treatment has works and how the psa has dropped.

Best wishes to you, your Dad and family it is a very  big shock.

Hi Brian, thanks for the link to the prostate forum. I have joined. Read your story and it really did give me a good laugh so thank you. I love your attitude and hope to regain my sense of humour soon.

I must admit I have been more focused on my husband's situation and just cacthing up with my dad's.

Squeak

Hello Squeak and welcome to our side of the forum. I have read your profile and see that you have a lot going on so make sure that you take note of some of the cues your own body might give you and look after yourself in the meantime.

My husband was 76/77 when he was first diagnosed with T4 prostate cancer and had radiotherapy alongside the hormone therapy. At the time it was tiring, not so much from the actual radiotherapy which he was in and out of in 30 to 60 minutes every day, but more so from the fact that we had to stay away from home for 7 weeks so it was the logistics which had the greatest effect - it is a matter of doing the research and finding out the easiest way for your dad to get to and from the appointments and working round the bowel/bladder requirements for the daily sessions. The thing to impress on your dad is that he must tell the technicians about any problems he is having with his bowels or bladder as there is invariably something they can do to help either with medication or diet. In preparation it would help if your dad started to do Kegel exercises to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles - the Squeezy app could be useful if he has a smartphone.

As your dad is on a curative pathway he will probably be on the hormone therapy for a set period of time which is a positive. As Brian has said, this is probably going to affect your dad more as it can come with a range of side effects with fatigue and loss of muscle being the most common so encouraging him to stay as active as possible is a good start. For the other side effects then come back for tips and coping strategies but to give you an idea think of the menopause side effects like hot flushes and mood swings.

I hope your husband responds well to the immunotherapy, I know that with a T4 diagnosis it is a marathon and not a sprint. As there is so much cancer in the family then it is important that the next generation are aware of the risks so maybe conversations about genetic screening should be had?

Thanks very much Alwayshope. :)

I will pass on the info to my dad. He's not a great one for the internet or sharing generally let alone online so not sure he'll join here. Also some of the Kegel floor exercises are probably beyond him as he has difficulty getting down to the floor and back but I hope he'll do some of the others. He's not very fit and has pain in his lower spine which a GI consultant told him was arthritis after an MRI a about a year ago but I am now wondering if it's cancer mets.

We are being open with our 5 children so hopefully they'll follow up.

What a journey you've been on!

The Kegel exercises are to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles. You do them sitting down or standing so no getting down on the floor - basically think about when you have to produce a urine sample and stop the flow mid stream by clenching the buttocks and pulling the tummy in. It's this action, but in a controlled and timed way which strengthens the muscles.

Hello Squeak 

When I was doing mine I downloaded "The Squeezy App" for men.  It's really good at reminding you.

Best wishes - Brian.

Any close male relatives should be made aware of Your Dad's diagnosis and be encouraged to have regular PSA tests: sons, grandsons, and brothers as they are about 3 times more likely to develop Prostate Cancer now that your Dad has been diagnosed and probably cousins as well.  I didn't stop there and became quite evangelical in my approach and told any male friends and acquaintances to do this - even someone I was just chatting to in the gym who looked over 45 was preached to/at.   Prostate Cancer caught early is curable as in the case of my brother and myself.  To my mind form 45 a PSA test every 2 years would be good and from 50 - 55 start having them every year.  I know GP's tend to be resistant to this however, one can have tests done at private hospitals and a few weeks ago someone posted that they bought a PSA test from Amazon which gave a high reading so they went to their GP with this and they then got a Prostate Cancer diagnosis and are soon to start treatment.  Sorry if I am also preaching to you too but the more we shout about it the more likely a few men are to take notice and hopefully survive this disease.