ED

Hi Godbless. I am 23 months down the line from RP and still suffer from ED and 'minor' incontinence but I have now come to accept and control these. I am not in the same situation as you as I am married. I found my times on the 'dating scene' quite unpleasant but that was in the days when it was necessary to pluck up the courage to initially talk to a girl usually being egged on by friends (and I did find that very difficult) and not as nowadays to make a decision whether to swipe left or right. My thoughts are that you need to try to accept where you are with ED. You probably cannot change that. If the statistics are correct then there are a high proportion of men in that situation for numerous reasons. You are not alone. Look into all available assistance - pump, tablets,  injections, cream, psychological - discuss with your GP and an ED nurse but understand there may not be any real improvement available. My CSN told me that if there was no great improvement in two years then it is unlikely to happen and my daily Tadalafil tabs will be stopped. I would suggest you be honest ASAP. Yes, it will be embarrassing but better to find out that it is a deal breaker at an early stage for both parties. Statistics again show that there are many women who suffer from difficulties in that department. I guess those women would also be embarrassed particularly if they think it is the No. 1 priority of all men.Hopefully in any event you will find understanding and someone who it just does not matter to. There are many other aspects to a good relationship other than what happens in the bedroom. If you are looking for love then hopefully you will find that with a wonderful lady who will recipricate the same feelings. Love does conquer all.

Hello Godbless .

 Static has pipped me to the post with an excellent reply. From this woman's point of view whether a man can perform in the bedroom is not what defines him. If a woman is on the dating scene as she gets older she is looking more for a loving, caring, sharing partner who will see each other through good and bad times. Most women later in life come with baggage of their own and could be worried about how a prospective partner would deal with it so honesty is the best policy, maybe not on a first date but certainly if and when you feel you want to progress to the next stage. This is, of course if you are looking for a lifetime relationship. For some women it might be an issue dealing with the paraphernalia but for others it could be turned into fun but if you treat it as normal and are not embarrassed then an understanding partner should do the same.

I hope you find what you are looking for and this is from someone who has lost two husbands unexpectedly young but still came back for more with number 3.

Hello Godbless , AH has beaten me to a reply! I have been married for just over 50 years to my soulmate and have never strayed into a sexual encounter with any other man. There is no way that I would vote for no treatment if it was going to lead to my husband’s early demise! I would much rather he was here, by my side despite ED! If we were to split up, I would want to well and truly know any new partner extremely well before even considering a sexual relationship! I would want to be sure he respected me, was a caring, loving person and good company. In fact , I think that, after all this time with my husband, it would probably take me a lot of time to feel sufficiently comfortable with any other man with whom to move to a sexual relationship.  I personally would want much more from any loving and caring relationship than sexual prowess.

As AH suggests, if any relationship looks like developing to a greater sexual encounter then honesty is the best policy!

Hi Godbless,

My name is Dylan and I work in the online Community here at Macmillan. 

Thank you so much for posting in this forum. I know you will get some great advice from other Community members here. 

I just wanted to leave a quick reply, including a link to a blog we published last year. The blog features questions form Community members, sharing their valuable insight on how they navigated the emotional and physical aspects of ED. There is also further information and advice about sexual health and intimacy, challenging the notion of a “normal” sex life.

Sexual health and cancer: Erectile Dysfunction during and after cancer treatment

I hope you find the support and advice in the Community helpful.