Combating loss of intimacy

Hi

Been let’s say celibate for just over four years, before I found out about the PC I was having trouble in that department, what I did was everything else I could, 
Now I talk and listen, I trekked her nearly every moment of the day that I love her, I do all I can to make up for this, in some ways I feel guilty that I have this, my wife is my carer, she looks after me, I hate that I was fairly strong did enjoy the bed bit, now I cuddle have fun where I can, the support I try to give to my wife, you ladies are a backbone for us, we wish things were different, it’s just a case of making the best of a bad situation.

Take care

joe

Hi . My husband was diagnosed 2 years ago advanced prostrate cancer. The way I coped is as long as I have my husband with me that Is enough for me.

As far as the actual ED is concerned, you say your hubby has no libido.  I obviously don't know how low his libido is, but if he's taking a PDE5 inhibitor.e.g. Sildenafil or Tadalafil and he's no desire at all, then the PDE5 won't work.  

The medication does not stimulate desire.

There is a psychological element to ED after prostatectomy.

I wonder if he has also tried using a vacuum pump.  The problem after surgery is not just the nerves, but the blood vessels to the penis can get narrowed and scar tissue can form in the spongy erectile tissue..  Using a vacuum pump can help overcome this if properly used.  

If he hasn't got a pump, his GP can refer him.to an ED service who will prescribe a proper !edical vacuum pump.  They are quite expensive, but on prescription are free.

You can find further information about erectile rehabilitation following surgery on the Prostate Cancer UK web site.

Finally I suggest you consult a psychosexual counsellor..  My partner and I did this after my surgery and she was absolutely brilliant.  In my case she helped overcome the psychological element of ED and I got over it.  However, if I hadn't recovered function, I'm sure she would have helped me and my partner to findvways of being intimate.

Many Thanks for taking the time to share. I really do appreciate it. Its nice to hear the other side of things.

hi wifey 

since he's had the op i'm presuming his cancer is hopefully curable ? 

if so then surely this should be a temporary condition and is he on any hormone treatment ?

my p.c is incurable so quite quickly my libido went and e.d started ! 

we both decided quickly if that was the way it went , we would deal with it and i wasnt gonna take anything to help with it , as i was already putting enough crap into my body as it was !!

i have no libido at all now , a kiss and cuddle is as intimate as it gets for us . and we tend to joke with each other about sex and the lack of it !! 

hopefully things will improve for you both 

Thank you for sharing. He is on tadalifil ( can't spell) and the pump. We have been upbeat about the whole thing and even cracked jokes along the way but lately (due to other factors) iv become exhausted. Things came to a head for me after a somewhat disappointing birthday where I craved some us time..anyways after ranting too long I received a text to say that maybe I should find a  sexusl partner to 'give him some peace' ..I then knew that the past 8 months iv over stated how I felt. I of course have since spoken and confirmed that I am happy in our relationship and I love him (big age gap). We are waiting for the psychosexual counsellor but yes was totally blindsided by his feelings as he doesn't speak often about it...the same was with the libido. If he had told me earlier I would have understood. We are both looking forward to getting more support. Incontinence issues are going well

Thank you for sharing. He is on tadalifil ( can't spell) and the pump. We have been upbeat about the whole thing and even cracked jokes along the way but lately (due to other factors) iv become exhausted. Things came to a head for me after a somewhat disappointing birthday where I craved some us time..anyways after ranting too long I received a text to say that maybe I should find a  sexusl partner to 'give him some peace' ..I then knew that the past 8 months iv over stated how I felt. I of course have since spoken and confirmed that I am happy in our relationship and I love him (big age gap). We are waiting for the psychosexual counsellor but yes was totally blindsided by his feelings as he doesn't speak often about it...the same was with the libido. If he had told me earlier I would have understood. We are both looking forward to getting more support. Incontinence issues are going well

I have also had this problem. Like another poster said, I was already starting to have trouble in that department and then in 2012 along came PCa treatment and finished the job.  I now have pretty much total ED, and on the odd occasion I do manage to "rise" it's never at an appropriate time nor for very long, lol.  However my problem is a little different - my wife suffered an early menopause, and once she (rightly) decded she had been on HRT for long enough her libido entirely disappeared. When I started to have PCa treatment I think it came as rather a relief to her that I didn't require that sort of attention any more.

When I finished my treatment and stopped taking hormones, I started to get some small amount of function back but I no longer had anyone who wanted to explore what capability - or not - I now have.   We still share a bed and have lots of kisses and cuddles, but that's it.  My other half is perfectly content, but I meanwhile have developed a bee in my bonnet about wanting to know whether I could still make love with the right encouragement.  That's definitely not going to happen in my marriage, and in any case I have never yet forced my attentions on anyone and I'm certainly not going to start now !    So there things rest for the foreseeable.  My wife has magnanimously suggested that I may like to, ahem, explore other options.  All very well, but I'm 68 and definitely no catch and neither do I have the wherewithal for hotel trysts etc. even if I found someone daft/desperate enough.  Consequently I'm teaching mysef to be happy with my lot - I'm still vertical,, after all !

Amusingly , on my Urologist's recommendation, my GP has just this month prescribed Viagra for me to try. Good job I've got a sense of humour, I predict it will remain in the medicine cabinet until it goes out of date.........


John

I like your saying that you are teaching yourself. I also have to learn more about being content with what I have regardless of circumstances. It's the key to happiness for me. 

An interestng topic!