Advanced Prostate Cancer and the Expected Life Expectancy

Hi Drifter 

Ive just read your post about how you are both managing with the diagnosis' at this early stage and I wanted to say how hard these first weeks and months can be. I’ve only just realised that myself and Mr BW have been through a massive process of change and adjustment, like dealing with grief and loss really; denial, anger, emotional outbursts and dark days where the injustice takes hold. Me more outwardly emotional and he like your husband - quietly working through and adjusting. So don’t worry about being upset or your husband being “business as usual” it’s part of it. Go with the flow. ( I’m on your team, nothing like a good cry while clinging to a stoic man ) 

Best wishes to you both, 

Lorraine x 

Hi All, I so agree with all the replies ! Those first weeks and months were the most difficult times of our lives. I was a total wreck and went through all the emotions and tears that BarryW describes.

looking back on our journey so far I really think that all the concentration was on the ‘mechanics’ of the diagnositics and treatment and absolutely nothing on the emotional/psychological. Unlike some contributors to this site, we don’t have a Maggies in my area. 

if I could improve prostate cancer care in any way it would be to offer more support to us wives. We suffer for our menfolk and this is not recognised by the medical profession. 

in turn, our menfolk are dealing with the treatment, their own emotional responses but, so often, trying to protect their wives . I can only imagine their own emotional responses because, as a society, men often feel that they are not allowed to show their emotions! 

my message is- it’s ok to cry! It’s ok to be angry! It’s ok to be frightened! It’s ok to tell the world how you are feeling :)

My own reaction to the diagnosis was a kind of "fog" which limited my feelings.

My better half - a careful and accurate use of words - held herself and me together throughout.

When we got the treatment plan, and understood that the treatment was over a period of years even on a curative pathway, we decided to get on with it.

As I have tried to offer some help based on my own experience and research on this forum, she now checks with me daily to ensure that I actually look.

We are a team.

Most of the time she is the Captain.

Nice